Something For Everyone
by Tastychainsaws
Summary: With the holiday season upon her, Tsumugi decides to find the perfect gift for all her friends. All is well until she is thrown in a chaotic vortex of rival cults, vikings, and conflicting interests. She must find a way to please everyone before the 25th.
1. Foreshadowing Events To Come

**SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE CHAPTER 1- FORESHADOWING EVENTS TO COME**

**Standard Author Drivel, or "Author Note's"- **Hey everyone, in lieu of the holiday season starting, I decided to write up something to celebrate. Plus I needed something to write that didn't have the K-On! Girls getting torn apart physically and mentally. This is a "sort of" sequel to _The_ _Price of Attention _and follows the same formula; it's all narrated by Tsumugi. Like I mentioned in _The Price of Attention_, a certain degree of out-of-characterness is impossible to avoid with Tsumugi getting so little inner monologue in the show. Also, if you liked how that story got absurd towards the end, you may just enjoy this. Insanity is my goal here, or more so to create something that has yet to be done. Given that there are some 400 other K-On! Fics, I'm forced to reach into the furthest depths of my mind to come up with something new for people. So, enjoy this or I'll come to your house and beat you up. This is a written threat.

**ENTER. TSUMUGI.**

Waking up when it's still dark is a lot different then waking up when it's light out. It was getting towards the end of the year, and the darker mornings were proof of this. Normally, I could just waltz downstairs happily and make breakfast; but now everything was dark. This meant that I would have to go room to room, hallway to hallway, turning on lights. Alternatively I could just walk downstairs and make breakfast naked, sneaking through the shadows. As tempting as that sounded, there were many obstacles that came with that. For one, it was dark, and there was a good chance that I would walk into a wall, potted plant, or table side. Then there was the possibility that one of my parents would get up at the same time as me, and I would be without clothes. So, for now at least, I would stay in my pajamas as I went downstairs to make my breakfast. The lights stayed off though, because it was fun being a ninja. Everything was fun in the dark.

I made sure to make baby steps as I journeyed down the stairs. Not because I was in danger of tripping in the dark, but because my cat, Pickles the Cat, like to lay ambushes on the stairs and play "Attack Mugi's Feet". The dark turned that game into a lethal sport, one that I wasn't in the mood to play this morning. There would be other days to gamble with my life. I walked through the living room, knowing where to step to avoid the several low coffee tables that often housed drinks for Father's many, _many _house guests. The wall that had the kitchen behind it was always bare, so I crept along it in the dark. My safe journey was abruptly ended when I walked straight into something that should not have been there.

It felt like some two meter tall porcupine was assaulting me. I yelped out in surprised in the dark morning, and fell backwards, pulling whatever this thing was down with me. Whatever this thing was, it felt more like a skeleton covered in needles falling on me, not a porcupine. I screamed and flailed my arms, desperately trying to get this unknown attacker off of me. Terror chilled my heart, and froze my muscles, I had never been attacked before in my life; nonetheless in the safety of my own home. My terror struck mind desperately tried to find out just what was trying to kill, and or eat me. Chances were that it was needle covered ghost of my fictional dead twin sister, Mugistu, who had been killed by a fictional polar bear during her fictional trip to Finland. There just couldn't have been any other explanation.

My eyes dilated as a bright flash of light blinded me. Wincing at the overhead lights, I heard a voice, "Tsumugi dear, what are you doing with the Christmas tree? Are you having another identity crisis again?"

"Christmas...tree?" I blinked rapidly and regained my sight. Indeed, the prickly skeleton was not an unfriendly ghost sent to torment me for my fictional sins. It was a decorative gilded holiday ficus, a decorative pine tree trimmed and gilded with various ornaments and garter to celebrate the holidays. My gaze shifted across the room, and I saw Mother standing there in her absurdly expensive silk sleeping gown, tapping her feet.

"Look, just get it set back in place before your father wakes up, and I'll forget I ever saw your frisky ficus foray." She told me, shaking her head ever so slightly.

"It's not my fault that this happened!" I squeaked from beneath my pine needle prison, "I was walking through the dark to get-"

"The means does not justify the end, just clean this up." Mother interrupted me, then walked off to presumably go to bed. It was odd, I had no idea what her work schedule was, or if she even worked. Sometimes she would disappear for hours without warning, then reappear later like nothing had happened. There was an aura of mystery around my own mother that I didn't quite understand, and I found it positively enthralling, if not a teensy bit arousing to the mind. A thought bloomed in my mind just as she was about to leave my line of sight.

"Mother, it seems rather early in the season for a decorative gilded holiday ficus." I told her, silently wishing there was a simpler way to describe the tree; which was still on me, mind you.

She stepped back into the room and answered, "Father wants his guests and potential clients to believe that Kotobuki Incorporated is a family oriented business that focuses on things like holidays and such. Which reminds me, we have family photos this weekend for his company, to emphasize that we're family oriented. Try not to make any plans, also, bring one of your friends."

"Why do you need one of my friends?" I asked, and shoved the tree off of me finally.

"One daughter doesn't make us looks family enough, try to find a friend who can bring a sibling." She answered then disappeared again into the night, presumably back to bed. That was an odd request of hers, bringing along a friend and their sibling(s) for our family photo to make it more family. Lying about having more kids didn't seem family at all. Furthermore, that use of the world "family" seemed really odd in this context. I didn't know it could be used as an adjective in this case, but I guessed that it made sense.

As I returned the decorative gilded holiday ficus to its proper place, I could help but be overwhelmed by the feeling that the holidays were now upon us. While most people only celebrated for a day or two, to me, the entire month felt like a celebration. Eating holiday cookies, decorating, sitting by the fire next to the decorative gilded holiday ficus, singing, this was simply my favorite time of the year. My favorite part was certainly purchasing gifts for my loving friends, who appreciated me more now due to a series of strange events that may or may not have been caused by me using a fictional identity. To show them that I really cared, I needed to rock their socks with a series of the greatest gifts they would ever receive in their lives. That was a taunting task, but it was a worthy cause that I would gladly give my life for. Well...not really, I mean if someone held me at gun point and told me that he would either let me go, or shoot me and give all my friends great gifts; I would have to pick my own life.

However, if any of them were secretly in love with me (which I completely believe is possible, if not probable), then maybe _I _would the perfect gift for them. So then this armed gift giver would have to give them to me, but would have to shoot me, but wouldn't be able to because my friend would want me without a bullet in my head. That certainly would be an interesting holiday paradox. One that I would almost be willing to participate in just to witness the results. It was needless to say that I hoped that I would be delivered safely to my love without a 5.56 round in my skull. Although I would never tell anyone this, I also hoped that it would be Azusa that wished for me. There was nothing wrong with me liking Azusa in a very friendly manner, but I really did need to give everyone another reason to think I was gay.

**LATER THAT DAY**

The scene was set in the sanctity of the music room, all was normal as normal could be. The adequate lighting made eating our snacks easy on the eyes, and provided a comfortable atmosphere. Blue skies outside paired with chilly winds made for a fine December noon, one that accompanied my mission adequately. Ton-chan swam in something vaguely resembling a sentient pattern, which was signal for me to begin the operation. I nodded to the tiny turtle and thought of a way to begin this. My objective was to find out just what was the single greatest gift for each of them. This was surely no easy task.

"So, the other day, Ui and I were going through the attic and found our old Nintendo system!" Yui happily told everyone, "But sadly, we couldn't find many games for it. Just Faxanadu..."

"Oh man, I remember my old NES. I had, like, every game for it." Ritsu replied. Sadly, I could not relate, the only console I have ever owned as a Wii, and my computer. PC games are surprisingly entertaining, but the Brood Mother in _Dragon Age _left me with nightmares after she brutally violated my poor little elf. Ritsu continued talking, "Well, we didn't have _every _game, just the really important ones that everyone knew. A-Actually, we didn't even have _Super Ninja Turtles_, just _Battletoads_."

"_Battletoads_, my friend in school had that game!" Yui swooned, "I wanted it so bad, but it was always sold out. If only there was some way I could play it now and relive those nostalgic days of watching my friend play that game after school. But sadly, it looks like this Christmas I will only be playing modern video games that are superior in literally every last aspect. Oh, how I long for a simpler time."

_That was strangely convenient. Okay, I know what to get Yui...but what about the other three? _I thought, barely able to conceal my rabid excitement. But I managed, because we didn't want to have another Mugi moment.

"Yui-senpai, why are you talking like that?" Azusa asked her.

"Oh, I was copying something I saw in a manga." Yui answered.

"That sounds like something a certain someone from a certain manga and anime series would do." Azusa remarked.

"I was actually copying a girl from a manga copying a girl from another manga." Yui explained.

Ritsu quickly took advantage of the situation, "So if we were in a manga, and I copied Yui, wouldn't that mean that I was copying a girl in a manga who was copying a girl in a manga who was copying a girl in a manga?"

I decided my best course would be to expand on this, "So if we were in a manga and I copied Ricchan then-"

"Yeah, let's not do that." Ritsu interrupted me. _Pizza-Making-Porcupines! They always do this to me!_

"Hey, may ask you all a question?" Mio asked, sounding seriously. I was tempted to reply with, "_You just did_", but that seemed like a line from a terrible fanfiction. The faucet of the sink that I brewed tea in was looking less shiny, and it took all my willpower to no go and shine it. Sadly, the shiner I bought from that hardware store had all but run dry during my campaign to clean every doorknob in my house, and Daddy's work place. I fought long and hard, many lives were lost, but all the doorknob lurking germs were all but destroyed in my crusade of cleanliness. My war was sadly cut short when I forgot bring identification when security asked me what I was doing in the backrooms polishing doorknobs. My privileges of being a CEO's daughter only went so far, and cleaning doorknobs during what they called a "off the record business meeting" in the same room was not one of them.

"Shoot." Ritsu shrugged.

"Now, I rented this movie, but I'm not sure if I should watch it or not..." Mio quietly told us.

"Is it a horror movie?" I asked, hoping it wasn't because the Mio-is-scaredy-cat joke had already been overused at this point, and wasn't funny anymore.

"Not...not really, but kind of. I saw it before." She told me, being rather vague.

"Well, what movie is it?" Was my obvious question.

"_The Nightmare Before Christmas_." Mio finally relayed, "You see, it's a blend of two holidays. Halloween, and Christmas, and Christmas is coming up. But I'm not sure whether or not to watch it because I don't know if it's more of a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie. The last thing I want to do is watch a movie that's out of season."

Ritsu cocked an eyebrow, "Why would something like that matter in anyway at all?"

"You don't understand!" Mio shouted, causing us all to flinch, "My cousin's are visiting, and I'm in charge of picking a movie. I want to watch that one, but I don't want them to think I don't know my seasons!"

"Wow, that _is _a problem." Yui said in a low voice, sympathizing with Mio in a way that I couldn't. Then again, I had never been left to make a decision with such an impact like that. Maybe it would be a difficult choice if I were in her place...

"It should be safe, go ahead and play it." Ritsu told her.

"Are you sure?" Mio still looked uneasy.

"String Christmas lights in the room to convey a sharper holiday mood. It could counteract the Halloween atmosphere of the movie." I suggested, and gained 150 quest xp for helping her. Next time I leveled up, I would be forced to choose between bard and red dragon disciple. With bard I could use my bardic music (keyboard of course) to implant a suggestion, but red dragon disciple would give me red dragon wings. The music seemed like a safe bet, since coming to school with dragon wings on my back would be _beyond _difficult to explain. Someone would probably call the government, and then I would be the focus of some cheesy manga or something along those lines.

"That's actually a pretty good idea." Mio blinked, looking oddly surprised.

I blushed, "It's not _that _great."

"Oh, then I won't do it." Mio nonchalantly said, and took a bite out of her snack; which was a piece of chocolate zucchini bread that Yui had bought for us.

"Do it, do it, please do it! I take back what I said, it's a great idea!" I cried, wanting my ideas to be put into practice; since they seldom were.

"I was kidding, I'm going to do it." The bassist eyed me down.

"Oh..." I exhaled, feeling silly that my Mugi moment got the best of me. I had thought my control over such emotions had been mastered. But it looked like I would need to take a sojourn into my room with a two liter of seltzer water and unsalted potato chips and master my mind. Something about me made me prone to what some would call "overreacting" i.e. A Mugi moment. A perfect example of this would be my spontaneous requests for embraces amongst my friend; most notably Ritsu. I found that seltzer water and potato chips mellowed me out. While that was a strange combination, it was much better than something like, oh say, cocaine. The potato chips had started salted, but I cut out the sodium in that part of my diet when I found what was the beginning of a fat roll on my tummy. That tiny shaded crease was the fore-bearer of a full blown jelly roll, if left unchecked. I quickly went to work to correct this by eating unsalted potato chips.

"That reminds me!" I spoke up, "Do any of you have siblings?"

"Yes." Ritsu and Yui spoke at once. It was Ritsu who delved further, "Wait, you've seen my brother; and Ui for that matter."

"I know," I replied, "but I have this fear that I'm going to say something about Ui or Satoshi, just to find that you never had siblings to begin with. I'll be the first to admit it's irrational."

"That doesn't make any sense." Azusa remarked, "Do you think that they just never existed."

"Oh no, that's not it." I instantly clarified, "I'm just worried that I somehow misheard everyone, and that Ui is just Yui's roommate, or mother."

"You think Ui is... my mom?" Yui looked rather...confused.

"I said it was irrational!" I reminded her.

"We're getting off track, why did you ask?" Ritsu questioned me.

"Oh, next week I need to borrow either you and your brother, or Yui and Ui." I answered.

"Are you going to make us stand in weird poses and then stare at us with little stars dancing around your eyes?" Ritsu asked, she looked worried, "You know, the way you do when Sawako undresses Mio."

"Ritsu!" Mio snapped, and made a half-hearted attempt to swat the drummer. Her hand fell short, and Ritsu stuck her tongue out. Mio regained her composure and glared daggers at Ritsu, "Why would you even ask something like that!"

"I want to be prepared." Ritsu replied, sounding completely serious, and crossing her arms.

"Prepared for what!" Mio shouted again.

"Mugi-chan doesn't voice her thoughts, I have to make up inner monologue for her myself!" The drummer retorted. I was left a little dumbstruck by that, and was unsure how to reply.

"I can make my inner monologue outer monologue if you want." I offered.

Ritsu shook her head, "No, no, I'm happy making up my own monologue for you. I like to pretend that you're wizard sent here to harvest bunny rabbits for a space arc that travels across the world delivering cute everywhere it goes."

"Okay, I actually like that. Keep doing that." I nodded, then realize we had sidetracked again, "Back to what I was saying earlier. My father's company is having a photo shoot of sorts, and I need to borrow one of you and a sibling to be family."

"Be family?" Ritsu repeated.

"Yes. I do not know what that means either." I nodded.

"Family photo shoots, that sounds fun." Mio added, "But, sadly, I'm an only child."

"Same here." Azusa sighed.

Wanting to put an end to their mild glumness, I stepped in with an idea, "Wait! Azusa-chan, Mio-chan, you both have black hair and eyes that are the same color if you squint hard enough. You could both come and pose as sisters, no one would ever know!"

"Could we really do that?" Mio didn't look so sure.

"Yes!" I happily assured her, "We can all go together this Saturday!"

"Where is this?" Azusa asked.

"At the mall." I curtly answered, then something struck me, "But if you want to go Azusa-chan, you must answer me two questions."

"Okay?" She raised and eyebrow. I stood up and stepped around to her side of the table. My gaze was fixed upon her hair.

"Now, pigtails do not adequately describe your hair, and even ponytail seems lacking." I mused while stroking my fictional beard. If I did have a beard, I would look pretty much _exactly _like Johan Hegg, with our boobs both being of equal size, "In fact, each spiral lock of hair has grown too long to emulate the tail of any mammal known to humans. Due to this, I have decided your hairstyle will be known as _Komodo Dragon Tails_."

Azusa sighed, "Mugi-senpai, do I dare ask what this second question is?"

"The second question is simple, how do you get your hair like that?" I asked her, "It openly defies gravity with how each tail suspends itself with out any visible means of support. Surely, if I attempted to recreate such a style, my hair would fall flat and it would be difficult to tell at all if I even tried creating Komodo Dragon Tails."

"Well, for one, your hair is much thicker than mine." Azusa replied, reached up, and took a lock of my long blonde hair in her fingers, "See, look how it is compared to mine..." She held up a lock of her's to mine. It was true, it was like comparing a piece of string to chainmail armor. That's how thick mine was compared to hers.

"Alright. I am convinced, you may be Mio's sister." I told her, than returned to my respective seat.

"It's just what I've always wanted." Azusa replied in a dead monontone.

When I was comfortably seated, Ritsu clacked two spoons together (which made me cringe at the sharp noise) several times to get our attention, "Alright, now that's out of the way, we need to discuss what we're all going to do celebrate this wonderful time of the year. I vote Christmas concert with free alcoholic beverages provided to underage students."

"What about another Christmas party at my house?" Yui suggested.

"I like the idea of a concert, just without the drunk teenagers." Azusa added.

"Maybe we should just have a nice mellow year, and stay in while watching movies together." Was Mio's idea.

Ritsu stared Mio in the eyes, "How do I put nicely...I would rather die than do that."

I thought for a moment while Ritsu tried defending that comment against an angry Mio, "I have an idea!"

"Let's hear it." Ritsu nodded.

"Okay, you know that song we did? _NO, Thank You_? The one that I wrote almost exclusively, how about we use my vast sums of wealth to hire a crew and do a music video shoot for it! We could get it on TV, people would see it, we'd find a label, and then we'd be famous!" I happily told all of them my idea, but it didn't stop there, "For the music video, we could do some abstract thing where we have shots of each of us walking forward with a backdrop consisting of all these suspended letters, _HTT_. Then we'll film us playing inside this warehouse looking place, and we're all wearing different colored tights!"

"That sounds just like your idea for our song _Listen!_" Azusa said right away.

My hopes were crushed as none of them looked particularly interested. Ritsu shook her head, "Mugi, you know that we couldn't do something like that, it just wouldn't be worth it."

"Why not?" I whimpered.

"Because no one would like _NO, Thank You_. Let's face it, Mio's vocals just aren't her best there. The guitars are turned down too low, the Halo sound setting on your keyboard really offsets our sound, and the entire song is just a mess really. All in all, good try though."

"But can't we fix it?" I asked.

"No, no, by the time we got the song into something presentable, the holidays would have passed. You just have to accept the fact that _NO, Thank You _is just something no one would like." Ritsu sighed. I looked around, and the solemn nods of my friends stood testimony to the fact that they were right. That song was a failure on my part, along with _Listen!_. It looked like I needed to step back and attempt to recreate the style of Yui and Mio's song writing, they always knew what they were doing. Let's face it, _My Love Is A Stapler_ was a masterpiece.

"Ah well, I'm happy doing anything you guys want." I happily told them.

Ritsu looked at Mio than smirked, "In that case, let's compare Mio to Stocking some more. Left handed, bassist, dark hair, big boobs, the resemblance is striking.

"Oh not this again!" Mio growled, "If I'm Stocking, then you're Panty. Which means you like spicy food and having-"

"-Whoa, let's not turn this into a battle." Ritsu waved her arms in defense, "Okay, so Christmas concert?"

"Only if you cover a metal song." Sawako, who had someone how appeared between and Yui, answered.

Azusa shook her head, "No, we already used that joke in _Long Way Home_. This story isn't supposed to have and _Children of Bodom _references."

"Azu-nyan, you just made one right there!" Yui shouted.

"We keep getting distracted!" Ritsu screamed, "Christmas concert or not!"

"That would take a lot of effort to plan and coordinate..." Mio muttered, "Maybe we should do something simple."

"Like a cosplay contest?"

"What would make you think even for a second that was a good idea?" Mio grimaced.

"Point taken." Ritsu nodded, "Mugi, any ideas beyond making music videos for songs no one likes?"

"In fact, I have one!" While they had been arguing about Panties, Stockings, and other things I didn't understand in this context, my mind had brewed a wonderful idea, "Why don't we borrow my family's woodland cabin and spend a night or two up there. We can sit around the fireplace drinking hot chocolate and exchanging gifts."

"That sounds fun, when can we do it!" An excited Yui asked.

"As soon as I find the perfect gift for each of you." I replied, "In fact, I'll begin my searching tomorrow for everyone!"

"Me too?" Sawako asked, with big shiny eyes. She was grabbing on to my wrists, and I was more than a little surprised since I had forgotten she had been there."

"Uh, yes you too!" I forced a smile.

She let go of my wrists and sat back, "That's good, since last year my holidays were ruined. I wrote letters to Santa -Santa being one of my friends whose name I'm currently disclosing- all year for the album _Crack They Skye _by _Mastodon_. Christmas morning came, and I checked my mailbox... Sadly, my friend had just burned the CD for me onto a blank disc. This was no good, for you see, I had wanted to album from the store. If you hold part of the cover to the light, you can see Brann Dailor's dead sister. Christmas came...and no dead sisters in the light."

We sat in silence after hearing her sad tale...While I mourned for her loss, I was mildly happy in knowing what to get her. But I had a question, "Does this mean you will be coming with us for our Christmas trip?"

Sawako smiled and put on an innocent face, "The thought hadn't had crossed my mind. But if you insist, I couldn't say no."

"But there's no enough room there for six peo-" I tried to tell her.

She waved her hand an laughed, "Don't sweat the small stuff. We can have Yui sleep on the floor, or outside. Details aren't important."

"Isn't sleeping outside dangerous?" Yui looked a little scared.

"Eh, maybe." Sawako shrugged, "If the cold doesn't kill you, the indigenous wolves will."

"Wolves!" Yui gasped in horror.

"Oh yeah, big timber wolves, just one could probably bite off your arm with one good chomp." Sawako nodded, "Depending on how cold it is, you very well a Yui corpsesicle before it even gets to you. Don't worry."

Seeing the terrified look on Yui's face, Azusa intervened, "No, she's kidding Yui...I hope."

My Christmas mission was set before me in a clear path. Find a perfect gift for the five of them, two of which I already knew. Take family photo's with people I'm not related to. Go on a mini-vacation in the mountains in a cabin. Protect Yui from from timber wolves. Learn to play the keyboard solo in _Constant Motion _by ear. I did not, however, realize that none of this would be easy. An adventure that involved cults, vikings, and ghosts from the past awaited me in the next few weeks.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

_Please feel free to tell me what worked and what didn't. I aim to improve. Also keep in mind that very little of this written with seriousness in mind._


	2. The Hunt Begins

**SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE CHAPTER 2- THE HUNT BEGINS**

_Preamble- Mild apologies for Tsumugi's off topic tangents. They will appear less and less, and I essentially needed something the spice up the chapter, since it was just laying down the plot I guess. Anyway, thanks to everyone for reading and possibly reviewing._

_I also realize that I tend to go overboard with rather nonstop references to just about anything. I can't really defend or justify that, but I'll say that it's something I like seeing in stories myself. And I predominantly write stuff I would like to see from other authors._

**ENTER. TSUMUGI**

My shopping trip to the local mega mall had been postponed not once, but _twice_ this week due to a multitude of events I had not foreseen. Pickles the Cat had found it in his liking to vomit in all fourteen pairs of my shoes. Since he was not a particularly small cat (weighing in at just under ten kilos), I did not put this past him. One must consider the fact that fourteen pairs of shoes is quite a lot, more than a cat of his size could spew into over such a short period. Jumping to paranoid theories did not quite suit me, but I was under the suspicion that he was aided by at least one neighborhood feline. I had kept a close eye on the neighboring kitty cats, and found they engaged in guerilla warfare with each other for turf. Pickles the Cat was a renown warlord amongst them, it did not surprise me that he had allies in this.

The other events that impeded my progress were not worth mentioning, and I was currently sitting on a bus headed downtown to the mega mall. My eyes were scanning the woodlands outside for any signs of bears. I did not know whether or not bears resided in this part of Japan (or the country at all), but I did not want to be caught unaware if one of these unstoppable siege beasts of death saw fit to rip me limb from limb. To put it simply- Bears are dangerous, Mugi is sweet.

My bus made its stop at the mall, and I made it a point to get off quickly before the people outside decided to go in. Often times the order of people getting on and off would go awry and the aisle way would be choked with people trying to get off while others tried to get on. With a sharp mind, and quick wit, I subverted this potential crisis and was off before the disaster could begin. My attire wasn't very simple, as it seldom was. Being that Christmas time was THE BEST TIME, I took advantage of this and wore my favorite winter outfit. It was the white one with the big poofy buttons and the hat that made me look like a soldier out of Czarist Russia.

I was one that was often quick to fall victim to the millions of distractions that a mega mall had. The guns and ammunition shop tempted me with its displays of M-60's and Mosin Nagant's in the window still. With my Czarist soldier looking hat, the Mosin Nagant was a nice match, but I needed something called a "Class 2 Weapons Permit". I had asked the lowly storekeep to make an exception for a poor schoolgirl such as myself, and he had obliged, but not without a contingency. His requirement was that I let him feel my eyebrows. That was not something normal people asked of. I decided that I would just wait until I had a Class 2 Weapons Permit to buy the weapon. I later learned that it was not a Mosin Nagant but actually a "Pystykorva", the Finnish variant. In the off chance that North Korea unleashed nuclear winter with the reckless use of nuclear armaments, I would purchase this rifle and reenact Simo Haya. Considering that I had never fired a gun in my life, and my only knowledge of such things were from romance novels, I doubted I would be able to mimic his feats.

And there I was getting distracted again, I needed to buy a gift for Yui, Sawako, and possibly for Ritsu. For the latter, I would head down to the music store and browse around for something that suited her. My research had been done on the subject, and I found that Ritsu's drum set was rather lacking when compared to a professional drummer. I was thinking of buying her an extension to her drum set so she could add a double bass pedal, or wall of symbols. It had always made me wonder what _Fuwa Fuwa Time _would sound like with heavy double bass and blast beat drumming. Furthermore, I had actually taken the time to examine the lyrics to Mio's masterpiece. When you really look at it, they're rather creepy. I was now under the presumption that Mio was stalking someone (hopefully me).

My first stop here in the mega mall was the local game store. The name was protected via copyright, and I wasn't allowed to even think of, or the thought police would come after me. All I could say was that it was a place that people often Stopped for Games. This particular establishment frequented in the trading of used games; used games of all consoles. The store was one that held many interesting sights. To my immediate left were four people arguing about a _Rock Band 3 _demo, one had failed their instrument and sabotaged the whole band; fists were about to fly. Distractions surrounded me on all sides, since this store also doubled as a hobby store. I gasped in pleasurable surprise when I saw that Warriors of Chaos was selling new units. This was a good thing since Yui's Imperial army _always _beat mine. She just guns all my units down before they can even get to her's. Quite frankly, my soldier's devotion to Sigvald was questionable. Putting all that aside, I looked for the section that sold the used NES games.

I found it, and leafed through the cartridges that were in a white wire bin. There weren't many, and I wasn't find what I was looking for. Feeling defeated, I went to man working the register and caught his attention, "Excuse me sir, do you have a certain game in your store's current stock?"

"Eh, maybe." The clerk shrugged, his name tag read this his name was Oishi Chenso, "I just started working here, so I might not know. What game is it?"

"An old NES game called _Battletoads. _My friend wants this game and-" I tried to say before he cut me off with an angry glare.

"Oh I get it, ha-ha, do we have _Battletoads_? Yeah, not funny, buy something or get out." He growled. I did not believe anyone had ever been that outright rude to me before in my life. I felt like crying.

"I don't know what you're saying. Do you have this _Battletoads _or not?" I asked again, trying to sound like I wasn't afraid of him.

"God damned it, I get like ten of those phone calls a day. Piss off!" He shouted at me and slammed his fists on the table. We were drawing attention from the rest of the store's customers.

"I just want _Battletoads_!" I cried out, feeling tears form in my eyes at his angry, angry words.

"Every time one of you people call, they count that as a off work call and deduct that from my pay. Tell me young miss, do you _enjooyyyy _making me poor! Is that what you kids do these days! Make lowly store clerks poor because your parents can afford everything!" He screamed at me even louder. This left me confused, frightened, and a little disgustipated.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I cried out, and turned around to walk out. There would be other ways to obtain _Battletoads_. Ones that would let me be far, far away from this establishment.

"Hey!" One of the _Rock Band 3 _players, the drummer I think, shouted, "That guy made that poor little -but not too little- girl with the awesome hat cry!"

"Hey, that's Tsumugi Kotobuki, her father owns my business and provides me the money needed to survive and make sure my kids don't die of starvation!" The guitarist, presumably recognizing me by my brows, shouted as well. The four plastic musicians marched up to me, with the guitarist leading the way, "Dear offspring of Kotobuki, what ails you?" He asked with a bow.

"That man is being mean to me and I don't know why." I answered with a sniffle.

"By Helm! Why would someone belittle your grace with a manner such as that!" The guitarist gasped.

"I wanted to buy _Battletoads_ so my very dear friend could have the Christmas she always dreamed of. But he got mad at me and implied that I'm a misanthrope." I relayed my sad, desperate tale.

He gasped again and turned to his friends. Raising his plastic guitar like a holy sword of justice, he cried out to his friends, "Our Lady Tsumugi came here with the intention goodwill and Holiday merriment. Then that troll of a man beset her with harsh words and tried to vulgarize the purity of her quest with slander and lies! I don't know about you, but where I am from, that is simply despicable. Draw steel and prepare to taste your blood Oishi! _FOR YOU DIE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!"_

"Don't hurt him, I just want my _Battletoads _game!" I begged. My zealot lowered his plastic guitar at this.

"You heard our mistress. Scour this place for her treasure!" He ordered his troops. Within minutes they searched the place down and returned form and center. Oishi had disappeared, and didn't press the silent alarm, so everything turned out better than expected.

The bassist, a chubby guy who didn't look much older than me, held up a cartridge, "Here it is. It was hiding with the Super NES games. This store does that from time to time." He handed it to me, practically shoving it into my hand.

"Uh, thank you everyone, I appreciate your help." I gave them a polite bow, and left the appropriate amount of money on the store counter. Mugi wouldn't be caught stealing, now would she?

"Go now, there are other stores than these!" One of the four of them called out as I was leaving. I didn't know what that meant, but it was oddly inspiring to work hard at my search to find gifts for everyone. My next destination was the record store to pick up _Crack The Skye _for Sawako. I didn't know exactly what to look for, or who the album was even by, but little things like that couldn't keep me down. I found the store, and made quick time there with little interruption and distraction. Except I stopped at Orange Julius for a raspberry smoothie, but no one could fault me for that. Pretending I was still a Czarist soldier (the smoothie was my Berdan), I entered this fine record dealing establishment with my hopes high.

The store was called the _Record Surplus _and dealt almost exclusively in vinyl records of the heavier side of music. If I was to find an album for Sawako, this would be the place. I passed a sort of chubby looking guy who looked vaguely familiar talking to someone else about showing him something secret. While I was curious to know what this secret was, I felt bad eavesdropping, so I just ignored them and moved onwards into the store. As I mentioned before, they were almost all vinyl, which made finding the CD I needed just a bit easier since they were better organized than the records haphazardly shoved onto the shelves. However, I quickly ran into difficulty when I realized that the records and CD's were not sorted by alphabet, but by genre. There was no just "metal" apparently, there were at least a 100 different subtypes. The CD section was broken down into genres such as power metal, symphonic power metal, Canadian power metal, black metal, melodic black metal, melodic symphonic black metal, death metal, deathcore, melodic death metal, forbidden metal, nu-metal, grindcore, Viking metal, progressive metal core, mathcore, corecore, deep fried southern stoner pirate death rock... I quickly sought aid of an employee who would be knowledgeable in these fields.

I found a worker and quickly flagged him down. In a low raspy voice, he greeted me, "Welcome stranger."

"Hello sir, I need help finding a gift for a dear friend." I happily greeted him as well.

"Got some rare things for sale... stranger." He said in a way that was rather creepy, "What're ya buying?"

"I'm looking for the album _Crack The Skye_." I told him.

"Ah! The choice of an avid music collector. It's a nice album stranger!" Was his reply, which wasn't really what I was looking for.

"Uh, that's nice. Do you have it for sale?" Was my question.

He shook his head, "A woman has purchased the last one. Is that all?"

"Looks like it." I sighed. I wasn't too disappointed, there were other record stores in the area, I wouldn't have trouble finding a copy by the 25th.

"Come back anytime." He said as I walked out after giving him a polite bow. All I could think was, _What a strange man_. Come to think of it, everyone I knew that had some relation to metal was plain bizarre in someway. Sawako was...different... Satsuki the Viking Metal Warrior took live action role playing too far. Kataktitis the Greek exchange student wrote Latin phrases of heresy on her forehead. It made me wonder what would happen if I became a fan of metal.

I was almost done shopping, even though I hadn't had proved very successful. The last place on my list was the name of a guitar store whose name I always forgot. They sold many instruments, and many things to go with them. My goal was to scour the place for anything that Ritsu would really want. My search was momentarily postponed as I browsed through the many, _many _keyboards the place had for sale. None of them could even come close to rivaling the glory of Korg Triton, but a few of the Yamaha's were nice. I found one that vaguely resembled my own keyboard and decided to play around a bit on it. Something in the spirit of Janne Wirman, since that had proven successful in my endeavors before. Not wanting to get too distracted (again), I let that go and went to searching for things that a Ritsu would want. If I were a Ritsu, what would I want? That was the kind of mentality I needed to make this successful.

Thinking like a Ritsu, I made my way to where the drum merchandise was located for consumer purchase. I ignored the drums themselves, I did not know a single thing about them, and looked at the many songbooks laying around. All the best ones had been bought already, and I was left to choose from either a lesson book full of things that Ritsu already knew (like how to hold the drum sticks, various flams, and paradiddles). Confident in Ritsu's paradiddles, and sure she didn't want a song book for drumming _Cradle of Filth _songs, I went on to search some more. They had plenty of drumsticks for sale, but already knew that Ritsu had lots of drum sticks. So many that she could risk breaking them by throwing them at Mio over large distances. However, a certain pair stained with age and Haruhi knew what else caught my eye. It cost around 50,000 yen, which was reason enough for me to be curious. As far as I knew, the material cost for wood sticks wasn't even half that much!

I took them in my hands and brought them to the counter. The man who I had harras- I mean haggled into lowering Yui's guitar was there, "Sir, would you kindly explain to me why such a pair of drumsticks like these would be sold at such an ungodly price?"

"I didn't even understand half of that. You're asking me why they cost so much?" He asked in turn, I nodded, prompting him to continue, "Oh, these drumsticks were used by Keith Moon early on in his career. They're a collectors item, hence the high price."

"Ritsu's happen to like Keith Moon, and drumming, I shall purchase this." I told him, and reached into my Mugi-purse (which is much different from a normal purse) to retrieve my credit card. Everything was going well until a voice spoke from behind me.

"Lowly storekeep, I am willing to double her offer. I will pay one hundred thousand yen for that piece of drumming equipment!" A woman said from behind me. I turned around to see lady wearing a long black dress, sun glasses, heavy makeup, with her long blonde hair in a pony tail hanging down her back. Something about her seemed familiar, but that was probably my overactive imagination. Even her voice seemed similar to..._something._

Much to my surprise, the vendor was smiling, "That's great, I can use that to pay for the guitar that a little girl came in here and bought for a horribly reduced price; which came out of my salary. Being that I am a lowly store clerk, I could not afford such a dowry, and now have tenure and can't quit. I do not wish to trouble you with my sad life story, but your heinous haggling left bigger implications than you probably thought."

"Oh goodness!" I gasped, _Still better than what happened in that one doujin_, "How can I ever make this up to you?"

"You see, Lady Tsumugi, I cannot accept an offer of auctioning here. Therefore I am obliged to sell you those drumsticks since you acquired them first..." He paused a moment for dramatic effect or something, it didn't work, "But if you would let the kind woman behind you double the offer, I could be free of this tenure, and go become the basement unemployed otaku I was meant to be."

I sighed, placed the drumsticks on the counter, and took a step to my right, "Ma'am, your offer is one I cannot match. Please, let this man use your obscenely inflated purchase to embezzle from and live his life as he sees fit."

"I am glad you see reason." She snorted, quite rudely, and marched past me in her overly large high heels. As if my silent curses came true, she tripped over those obnoxious heels, and momentarily lost her footing. Luckily, she didn't fall, but she dropped her purse (which couldn't even come close to matching the elegance of my Mugi-purse), spilling some of its contents. Being a good Somalian, I crouched down to help her put everything back. Gum, loose change, napkins, a loose .308 round and... What was this! A newly purchased used copy of _Crack The Skye_!

"Ma'am where did you get this?" I asked while holding the potential gift in my hands.

She swiped out of my hands, along with her purse, and scowled at me, "Child, the affairs of others should not be your concern. Now leave my sight before I call the guard to have you detained."

"What did I do!" I cried out in shock and stepped away from her.

The rude lady just laughed, "I do not need a reason, I am an adult, and you are a lowly teenager."

She was right, and I said nothing as I trudged out of the store with my metaphorical tail between my legs. Memorizing_ Moose Muffins! This woman beats me at every turn! _Really, what were the chance of someone buying out both my potential gifts in the same day? Surely I could find them elsewhere, but I was momentarily star struck at the idea of this happening. At least tomorrow would be better, since it was my "family" photo shoot. My mother surely would be ecstatic at the thought of having five to seven potential children! I know I would be.

My inner monologue was interrupted by someone pulling me aside (rather brutally) into one of the malls many stores. This was not the first time this had happened either, for I had been manhandled by people wanting me to sample shampoo before. The store I was in was one of those hobby stores that sold novelty arms and armor. Swords from various animes, books, and movies lined the walls; along with fantasy paintings and suits of armor. The person who had pulled me in was a woman with dyed mint green hair and a leather duster that went down to her knees, and had the sleeves rolled up to he elbow. On her back was a katana in a fiberglass sheath, presumably not real. Her cold blue eyes looked down at me, and she scowled and spoke in a monotone voice, "You're not what we were expecting, but beggars can't be choosers."

"Uh..." Was all I could say, "Can I please go? I appreciate the fact that you found me worthy of pulling aside for whatever you need, but I would like to go home now and feed Pickl-"

"No." She interrupted me, "I've been following you since you entered the mega mall, and I am aware of your plight."

"This isn't making me feel any better." I whimpered.

"Your feelings aren't relevant to this matter. You let two artifacts fall into enemy hands, this is bad. Months of searching jeopardized due to your carelessness!" She ranted at me, causing me to feel even more frightened and disgustipated. Tears were starting to form as she went on and on, "No, you didn't do this intentionally. I apologize, Mordrith obviously overpowered you with her cunning and force. You're just a child, you couldn't defend yourself. Damn it! I thought The Teeth were above manipulating children; dirty bastards..."

I slowly raised my hand to speak, "M-Ma'am. I don't know who you are, but you've left me more confused than I have ever been in my entire life. You're also very scarey and I think you should be nicer to people.

"All irrelevant." She curtly snapped, then grabbed my wrist, "Come, we cannot discuss this in public."

"No, I think we can." I tried to contradict her.

"Your opinions are moot. Follow Kotobuki, we have much to talk about. Enemy forces plot against us as we speak." She said as she dragged me across the vacant store to the backroom.

"Enemies! I'm well liked by all!" I squeaked, but was unable to fight against her deadlock grip. She was much stronger than I.

The room I was lead into was filled to the brim with cardboard boxes lining all the walls. In the middle was card table with a few ashtrays and old beer cans on it. There were three folding metal chairs around it, a woman was sitting on one. She had even longer blonde hair than the one who had stolen my gifts, tied back with a blue ribbon. Her attire was even more bizarre, a tan trench coat with military medals adorning her right breast; combat boots completed the image. All I could do was whimper, "Why can't people just let me do things that normal girls my age do? Why is it that every time I try to do _anything, _it goes horribly awry?"

My captor ignored me, "Colonel, I found her."

"Good work Minami." The blonde nodded, and spoke with a Kansai dialect. She offered out a gloved hand, "Nice to meet you soldier, you may call me Colonel Kuroi. I run the Japanese division of our organization."

"Did I just get drafted into the Japanese Ground Self Defense Force?" I blinked.

Kuroi laughed and shook her head, "Ha! Our organization puts them to shame, we're twice the soldier's they'll ever be. Isn't that right Minami?"

The girl with the sword nodded.

I was now more confused than I thought I could ever be confused about anything ever, "I don't want to sound rude, but who are you people!"

Minami took a seat and threw her boots on the table, "We're an organization dedicated to preserving the sanctity and purity of music. Our missions have taken us across the globe, and we have fought in many bloody campaigns. All to get to where we are now."

"And where is that?" I asked, not believing any of this.

Kuroi was the one who answered, "You see Kotobuki-"

"How is it that everyone knows my name?" I interrupted.

"Oh, your picture is on an advertisement for a photo shoot on the other side of the mall." Kuroi shrugged, than resumed, "Alright Tsumugi Kotobuki, what I am about to tell you may just change your perception on everything you know about music, and what goes into it. You see, all talented musicians have been blessed with one thing..."

"Hard work and dedication?" I guessed.

"No. Relics." She answered, "For you see, every 150 years exactly twenty musicians leave behind relics that carry onto the next 150 years. These relics give the next wave of musicians power, which then transfers into relics for the next set. This has gone on for as long as music has been alive. Fate decides who gets these relics...until now."

"Until now?" I raised an eyebrow, still not following any of this.

"Yes, an evil organization named _The Teeth _are hunting these relics down so that their leader may use every last one to become a god...at music. This would upset the balance. The relic's powers would be used up before the next set of musicians could use them! In forty years, all music will die then if this happens."

Minami cracked her knuckles, "We tracked down two relics to this very mall, since otakus often sell them without realizing their value. You attempted to purchase two, but lost them. We are the _Seekers of the Relics_, and your innate ability to sniff them out has made you now part of our order. Welcome Tsumugi."

I stood up to leave, "I'm sorry, but music is something created by hardwork, love, and dedication. Not cheap tricks and cults."

"Cults?" Minami and Kuroi said in unison.

"Yes, the _Seeker of the Relics _sounds like a cult." I nodded.

"We're not a cult, we're a secret organization!" Kuroi snapped at me.

"You pulled me to the side at random, and initiated me without my consent. You are a cult. You are the date rapists of religion." I told them with crossed arms, "And besides, how could an album and a pair of drumsticks be relics?"

"Good question." Kuroi replied, ignoring my cult accusations, "The _Sticks of the Who _are an artifact that was enchanted when Keith Moon vomited upon during a concert." _And I was sticking the corner in my mouth absent mindedly. Great... _"The _Disc of the Mastodon _was sneezed upon by Brann Dailor during an autograph signing session during their tour with _Dethklok_. Notice these were both enchanted my musicians, both of which were possessers of the last relics."

"So you're saying, to pass on their power, a musicians has to be sick enough to forcefully spew liquid out of his or her mouth onto a possession of theirs?" I reviewed.

"Yes." They said in unison.

"One last question."

"Yes." Unison again.

"Can I go now? Or was there something else you wanted from me?" I asked them.

Minami shrugged, yawned, then answered, "Now that you're given this secret, use your relic hunting ability to find the last ten relics hidden from them."

"Will do." I lied, then escorted my way out of the store. I felt a little bad for my rather rude behavior towards them, but little they had done had warranted any polite response or actions from me. Their theory on music was absurd, and would be disregarded as such. I would go home and purchase my gifts online if possible, then remind everyone of our photo shoot the next day.

**TO BE CONTINUED.**

_Next time in Something For Everyone! Tsumugi has a photo shoot with her friends, but things don't go as planned! An evil half sister makes herself known. The hunt for the relics continues!_

_And sorry about the nonstop references. I just write what comes to mind, and it sometimes doesn't work as well as it does other times. Like the Warhammer 40k thing. While I will not change that, that may have been a bit too much._

_Thanks to Blueteamftw for beta reading this. If you find any mistakes, I will give you his home address so you may have your way with hi,.  
_


	3. Into Disaster, Peace Obsolete

**SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE CHAPTER 3- INTO DISASTER, PEACE OBSOLETE**

It was my own fault for being naive enough to believe that odd events would stop happening around me after I got home from the mall. When I returned home, I received a phone call from a very frantic Yui. Apparently Nodoka had been removed from our school's student council. Not just demoted from president (or whatever rank she was) but completely removed. This didn't make sense, Nodoka was a great leader, and made great decisions. When asked why she was removed, Yui told me that her grades simply weren't high enough to participate in _any _extracurricular activities. That ended up making even less sense, Nodoka was a straight A student as far as I knew. When Yui hung up, I tried to think if this was was somehow related to the Seekers of the Relics, but that made even less sense. In fact, _nothing _made sense anymore.

"Pickles the Cat, do you know what's going?" I asked my fluffy companion. He was lying on my pillow, and refusing to share my bed. I had learned that if I tried to sit down, he would respond with appropriate force; so I sat on my giant fluffy pink beanbag chair.

"Meow." He replied.

"That's crazy, she couldn't possibly be Mordrith." I refuted his claims.

"Meow." Pickles the Cat argued.

"I think I would know if someone like that was the leader of a crazy relic seeking cult." I laughed; his ideas were so off the wall sometimes.

"Meow." He sighed.

"You know what's going with Nodoka!" I gasped.

"Meow." He shook his kitty head, "Meow."

"Okay, I'd appreciate it." I stood up and petted his fluffy head. He didn't have all the answers, but at least he tried. Seeing that our conversation had put us on good terms, I settled into bed next to him. It had been a long day, and I wanted to go to sleep and just forget about the whole day at the mall. Chances are, I would never go there again, ever. Except for tomorrow, since we had to stage a family photo to make my cold and reclusive father seem more like a family man, and not the a business tyrant. I didn't know what a "business tyrant" was, but the word had come up in magazine articles about him. I wouldn't really say "cold and reclusive" either, just "very _very _driven towards work". Not wanting to think about the potential flaws of loved ones, I stopped thinking about that as well. I took my socks off (I couldn't sleep with them) and Pickles the Cat eagerly took his place on top of my princess feet.

The next morning, I awoke earlier than normal and made breakfast bacon while naked (that's a holiday tradition of mine, thank you), and was ready to hitch a ride to mega mall again with my mother before she even woke up. I waited agonizingly as the two of them took their slow time getting ready for this shoot. Most of my time then was spent thinking of what to get Azusa and Mio. For Azusa, I was thinking either a wah or flanger pedal, so she could stand out more. Or maybe shoes that made her seem taller, that seemed like a safe bet. Mio, on the other hand, was hard to shop for. Since she loved music, I was thinking of going for one of those terabyte large mp3 players so she could every song ever on it.

My parents finally got ready, and I called my friends to tell them that we were leaving. Luck was on my side this day; _all _of them were able to show up. I smiled as I realized how happy mother would be to see the fruits of my labor in this. We piled into our orange Porsche and wasted no time getting down there. Although, mother didn't seem quite interested in this.

"How quickly do you think we can be done with this? I need to be somewhere today." She asked father in a rather naggy tone.

"Look this is important, this photo is going on the front of _Japanese Business Monthly_, and proves that the Kotobuki Corporation is a family based corporation." Father reminded her.

"Is that why you fired all those people who asked for Christmas bonuses for their families?" Mother smirked.

"Hey, those people were not hard workers to begin with!" Father quickly retorted, "Besides, this is something Tsumugi wants to do too, right? I mean, when was the last time we really all got together like this?"

I nodded, "It's fun being together. Oh, today you get to meet all my friends!"

"Yay..." Mother didn't sound like she meant that.

"Friends, I didn't know you had friends. That's great!" Father happily exclaimed. While I was a little disappointed that he knew literally nothing about me, at least he didn't pretend that he did.

"We're in a band too." I told him, "I play the keyboard; I'm quite good at it."

"You must let me hear you all play sometime." He requested. I was only too happy to oblige.

Mother was a quick to end our merriment, "Can I put in a CD or something? I have a headache."

We gave into her wishes, and she put a disc into the player. Something about mother was very off lately. She was cranky, irritable, and all around not herself. I couldn't remember how old she was, so it was hard to tell if she was going through menopause or not. My guess was "probably". What was even more strange was the CD she was listening to. It wasn't the classic jazz and concerto stuff I had been raised on... It was loud, aggressive, and the vocals were from a band that Sawako would probably listen to.

After parking in an undisclosed location, we crossed the parking lot. Much to my pleasant surprise, I found Azusa walking alone from the direction of the bus station. I waved to her and called out, "Azusa-chan over here!"

The komodo dragon tailed guitarist happily made her way over to us, and I introduced her to the two responsible for my existence, "Mother, father, this is Azusa-chan, guitarist and mascot of our club."

"Pleased to meet you." Azusa said to them with a light bow. She laughed hollowly and scratched the back of her head, "I don't think mascot is an appropriate way of describing me."

"Sure it is!" I smiled, and motioned for us to continue onwards.

Father was actually interested in knowing more about my twin-tailed companion as we walked on, striking conversation with her, "Azusa-san, so it's true that you play guitar with Tsumugi?"

"Yes." She politely nodded, "I actually bought my guitar in a store that you own."

Father scratched his head, "That's right, I _do _own a music store franchise. Do you think that me and a few of my friends would be allowed to see your band perform live?"

"Sure." Azusa blushed and shrugged, "Don't expect too much though, we're just beginners."

"Nonsense, my Tsumugi is a very competent piano player, I'm sure the rest of your band is just a good." He encouraged us. Azusa and I glanced each other and I was pretty sure we were both thinking, _Wait until he meets Ritsu and Yui... _

My father asked us other things, like about school, our friends, and even replied with a few jokes about how things were different then when he was a kid. It was odd, even though he was right next to us, and the three of us were chatting idly, I felt strangely distant from him. He was always working, usually taking his meals to his study as to avoid breaking his flow of concentration. I thought that if he got out more and did stuff with Mother, we'd all be happier. Thoughts of potentially setting up a romantic night for the two of them flashed through my mind. I knew I wouldn't act on it, but I still loved love. It made me wonder if Azusa loved love too. If she did, we could be love buddies and love loving love together.

Ritsu and Mio were found waiting for us at the mall entrance. They were together since they were the moebro's per say. Their consistent companionship often bored on romanticism, and together I would have called them Mitsu. This was another instance that I was glad that no one could read my thoughts. They didn't need any more "Mugi is gay" ammunition. I waved at them and called out, "Mio-chan, Ricchan, over here!"

"Ah, we finally get to meet the prestigious Kotobuki parents." Ritsu greeted us after walking over. She stroked her chin and eyed my father, "Strange, I always pictured you looking like the guy from Monopoly. Or at least with a top hat and monocle. Darn."

Mio bopped her on the head, making her make a silly face and stick her tongue out. Being the spokeswoman of the Moebros, Mio blushed and tried to apologize for Ritsu's misdemeanor, "Ritsu, that is not a way to greet your friend's parents!"

"But, your mom didn't care that the first thing I said to her was that she had big boo-"

"_Ritsu!_" Mio bopped her again, and really rolled the _R _her name that time, "You were in the fourth grade, she thought it was cute."

Father laughed, "Tsumugi dear, it looks like you have very fun friends. I envy you, it's all business for me these days."

Mother sighed, "Yes dear, we're all very impressed by your friends."

"Mother, is something wrong?" I asked her, based off of all my recent observations of her behavior.

She heaved a heavy sigh, "No, just have a lot to do today, not much time. I'm not trying to take it out on you."

I gave her a tight hug, "Cheer up, we're doing family stuff!"

"Yes, yes." She smiled, and stroked my hair. There would be time for more amazing mother daughter fluff action later. We released each other, and she did a curt nod towards my friends, "So you are the ones that are supposed to make our family look larger?"

"Apparently." Mio answered with a polite bow.

Ritsu looked around for a moment, "My brother, Satoshi, was here a moment a go, but it looks like he wandered off."

"Probably off looking for candy. That's what preteen boys do at the mall right? Look for candy?" I suggested then asked, realizing I was completely ignorant about the situation. I assumed that's what...however old he was...kids did, since it's what I certainly would have done. But back then I was swamped with piano, fencing, and martial arts lessons, leaving little time for candy searching.

"No, not exactly. I think he's over at the place people Stop to buy Games, the place whose name I am not at liberty to disclose." Ritsu answered as the five us walked on. No sign of Ui and Yui yet, it was still unbeknownst whether or not they were even still alive or not. I assumed they were, since not much in the mega mall was particularly lethal. It didn't take long for us to find the two of them with Nodoka near that little inlet _Orange Julius _downing some fruity shakes. I told mother and father to go ahead, and that we would meet up with them later. They agreed to my wishes, and I quickly occupied the fourth seat of their square table, cutting off Azusa, who had been going for it.

"Mugi-chan!" Yui happily greeted me. I reached over the table and gave her a quick hug, a standard greeting. Hugs aside, we needed to get down to business.

"Nodoka-chan, I heard that they removed you from the student council. What happened?" I could have been a bit less forward with that, but this way was fine.

She looked a tad embarrassed, and pushed her glasses up the rim of nose (much to my disdain), then spoke, "I'm not really sure what happened. Sawako came to with a sheet of paper that had my grades printed, all of which were zero percent."

Yui's face contorted, "Wait...does that mean you were never a genius, and it was all a crazy trick!"

Azusa sighed from behind me, "No Yui-senpai, it's impossible for Nodoka-senpai to get a grade like that. Being part of the student council grants you extra credit, and being president would make it so she has at least 5%. Not to mention she's the most hardworking student there is in this school."

"I wouldn't say that..." She muttered modestly, still blushing, "...I'm just confused over this situation and nothing more. I find it a bit strange that this would happen at the exact time that a mysterious student that doesn't even go to this school decides to run for my position."

"How can one that doesn't go to our school be president of the student council?" Azusa asked her.

"Our student handbook is quite dated, and leaves out a lot of restrictions that should be in place for this sort of thing." Nodoka replied, and then finished her smoothie, "I guess it was only a matter of time until this sort of thing happened; someone using the dated book to their advantage."

"We have to stop them!" Yui cried out, and brought her fist down on the table, "Ui, help me stop whoever is doing this!"

"Onee-chan, I don't think there's much we can do." Ui sighed, "The student council is a very complex system of politics."

"I'm afraid she's right." Nodoka shook her head, "At the end of the week, they will vote for a new student council president, and my grades will not be returned to their former state by then."

"Well, we'll just vote that they don't elect anyone." I suggested, feeling quite acute with my idea.

"It doesn't work like that, only a club president may vote." Nodoka sadly replied, "While I believed that my friends in the Tennis, Volleyball, Basketball, Occult, and Death Metal Music Club would have been there to assure that my spot would not be taken, those clubs have each mysteriously disbanded over night."

"Creepy." Azusa shuttered.

"Something's not right about this..." I said, but couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong, "How can each club just disband over night? The volleyball club has like fifty members!"

"Disbanded was the wrong word, sorry." Nodoka clarified for us, "No, they're suspended. All their equipment has been stolen, postponing club activities indefinitely for the time being. Once again, this is rather mysterious."

"Someone is acting against you." Ritsu said from behind her.

"In any other circumstance, I would say that sounds silly, but you may be right..." Nodoka agreed.

Changing the subject seemingly at random, Ui asked a question, "So what exactly is the photo shoot thing about anyway? Onee-chan just said it was family, and that adjective didn't quite make sense in that tense."

"Oh, that's easy to answer." I raised a finger, "Several jealous business adversaries of my father have laid down slanderous claims of him being neglectful towards this family; or even not having one. Whilst in most circumstances, this would not be much of a problem, because haters gonna hate and all that. But my father is trying to gain a business deal with a large daycare and family amusement park chain franchise, and such a reputation of not liking family at all could pose a threat. It was mother who suggested that one teenage daughter didn't look homely enough for this; so that's where you seven come in."

"Count me out." Azusa raised her hand from behind me. Do not ask me how I knew that she did this.

"What, why?" I pouted, feeling like she had kicked my heart. Not kick started like that _Motley Crue _song, which was about doing heroin or something. No, it felt like she had emotionally slammed her little foot into my beating cardiovascular muscle. _HTT _was a package deal for everything, we couldn't have ourselves splitting up for things like family photos. Because Gosh Googly Darnit, we were a family!

"Because compulsive lying has never worked for you, and will continue not to." Azusa adamantly declared.

"Mugi-chan, a liar, that's silly!" Yui laughed.

I gave a shaky smile, "Y-yeah, never lied about anything ever."

"This is stupid, if you need me, I'll be over at GameStop playing the _Rockband 3 _demo." Azusa marched off. I swung my chair around, accidentally fell out of it, and called out after her.

"No, Azusa-chan, come back!" I cried out, "You weren't supposed to say the name of the store out loud, they have that copy righted! You're going to get us all sued!"

"Is that true?" Yui asked, while helping me to my feet.

"Probably." I casually shrugged, "Well, let us not dwell on the traitorous nature of Wicked Azu-nyan. Come now, we have a magazine photograph to stage!"

"_Hoo rah!_" Yui cheered, and grabbed Ui by the sleeve, pulling her away and leaving her smoothie behind.

"What about me?" Nodoka murmured just loud enough for me to hear her as we proudly marched across the mega mall to our destination. Mio presumably gave Nodoka a sympathetic look, because that's what Mio's did, as Ritsu presumably walked beside her, because that's what Ritsu's did. I was leading our congregation, therefore I was blissfully unaware to any events occurring behind me, forcing me to imagine what they were doing. Then Ritsu would pull Mio aside to where no one was looking. This place was presumably the woman's restroom, or behind a giant inflated snowman.

_"Mio...there's something I need to tell you..." Ritsu said in a low, mildly seductiv__e tone. She was holding Mio's hands in her own, their eyes locked. Ministry's "Jesus Built My Hotrod" would be playing in the background, even though it was unfitting towards the scene. It added irony, and it went well with the gritty lens filter used here__._

_"Ritsu, what are you-" Mio would tried to say, but would get rudely interrupted._

_ "Mio, I can't take hiding my feelings any longer, I must tell you that I-"_

"Mugi-chan, you stopped walking." Yui said from behind me, just as my fantasy was getting good.

"I did, didn't I?" I turned around to face her, blushing the whole way.

"Yes, and you were making groping motions with your hands." Mio added.

"I was, wasn't I?" I blushed even harder.

Mio sighed, and pressed me onwards with her hand against my shoulder, shaking her head, "Let's just get going and forget about this. I can't think of any good things that could have been going through your head that would cause you to do that."

"That's an unfair assumption." I pouted. The place this fabulous photograph would be staged was located in a store that sold exclusively cameras and camera related things. I found that exciting since I had previously not known that such a place existed. Sadly, the interior was rather dull when you looked past the outrageous amounts of decorations littered about the place. A little foot high stage was set up with a homely fireplace back ground, and in front the set was a large camera that rivaled the impressiveness of the one Soujiro from _Lucky Star _used to take pictures of sweaty under aged girls. Ritsu wasn't a bad photographer either, but we revoked her rights to use the camera after all those she took of Yui wearing less-than-the-socially-accepting amount of clothing in various settings like the beach, the bath, and the toilet.

Mother and father were there mingling amongst the men and women dedicated to making this picture a reality. Ritsu and Mio talked amongst each other while browsing through various sample images taken to show the high definition of the cameras. Yui and Ui found themselves utterly entranced by a fluffy photo album that was colored pink with many hearts and cat paws. Under normal circumstances, I myself would have fallen prey to its cuteness, and given into the rabid consumerism that plagued our country, but more urgent matters had presented themselves.

"Oh, not now..." I gasped in horror as I saw a woman with mint-green hair in a leather duster walk across the mall in her heavy combat boots. I was even more amazed by the fact that the security guards weren't pouncing on her for carrying around a katana on her back.

"Lady Tsumugi, it fortunate that I found you." She greeted me, while nearly panting; it looked like she had just run a 10 kilometer marathon. Ten. Kilometers. Exactly. No more. No less. Exactly.

"Yay..." I said through my teeth, and noticed that everyone was staring at me. It was not every day that Mugi mingled with mint haired mercenaries. She shoved a piece of paper into my hands, and gave a speech in a rather dramatic voice, "Lady Tsumugi, The Teeth are acting again, and I am almost positive they are watching me at this moment. We found another relic, and its location is written on this paper. It is likely they are listening to this conversation, and will brutally maim then kill you for this paper, but it is a risk that _I _am willing to take."

Before I could even react, she sprinted off into the other direction, doing an impressive vault over a Dip n' Dots vending cart, and continued toward JC Pennies. I really didn't want to be part of this, so I shoved the paper into the pocket of my tight gray pants, and turned around to see a rather disappointed looking maternal figure. Mother shook her head and sighed, "Tsumugi dear, I have said nothing up to this point. But I do not know if I approve you socializing with duster donning delinquents who think it is alright to tote around scimitars and-"

"Katana." I corrected.

"Excuse me?"

"You said it was a scimitar. Scimitars are middle eastern blades, while the katana is a Japanese sword that originated here during the Muromachi period in the late 12th century." I informed her.

This lead to another sigh, which made me wonder if mother and Azusa were somehow related. That would be rather unfortunate since same sex marriages were even harder between close family members, as I had found out. That aside, mother did not look amused, "I walked all the way over here to scold you on your behavior; not listen to the Mugipedia."

"I like being the Mugipedia." I pouted with my arms crossed and lower lip stuck out.

"You can use your intelligence to further my own emotional insecurities later." She snapped, "No, if I see you amongst the company of ruffians such as that blade brandishing brigand, I shall be forced to ground you to the house. Although I am reluctant to do so, since you often to choose to ignore such punishment placed upon you. However, I will try to appeal to you with reason. Those people you are associating with are NEET's who contribute nothing to our glorious society, and wish to instill communism over our peaceful way of life."

"Communism!" I gasped, for I had heard that word before and it was rather large and frightening.

"Yes." Mother nodded, "They will use you to bring about communism and turn Japan in to New North Korea. I would be wary who you align yourself with." After finishing her speech, she turned around and marched back to father and the photographers.

"Who was she talking about?" Yui asked after taking her place by my side.

"You I think." Ritsu answered from the other side of me, "Although I can't quite imagine you bearing the hammer and sickle of the people."

"I don't want to be a communist!" Yui cried out into horror, causing heads to turn in and outside the store.

Ui quickly came to her aid, "Don't worry Onee-chan, it was a misunderstanding, I'm sure of it. You're the biggest consumer I know."

"R-Really?" Yui sniffled.

"Yes, and I'm sure that one day you'll help find a way to destroy the middle class." Ui gently encouraged her. I was envious; I never had any siblings to tell me that I would grow up to use the concept of free market enterprise to create an even larger gap between the wealthy and the common man.

My envy was interrupted by the photographer who would be taking our picture calling out towards us, "Hey, Kotobuki girls, we need you over here for the photo...all...five of you...who are in the same age range."

"Coming!" I waved back, and then threw my arms around the shoulders of Ritsu and Yui, "Let's go Onee-chan's one, two, three, and four!" Mio was Onee-chan #4 since she hadn't done anything interesting or said anything since we got here, and was mostly here to fill up the cast from what I could tell. We took our place on this fake fireplace facade of a set. Mother and Father stood behind us, slightly raised to make us look smaller and more childlike, and not cynical teenagers. Ritsu and Mio were to my left and right, with Ui and Yui scrunched in front of us.

The camera man gave us a strange look, "Miss Kotobuki, are these really all your children."

Mother gave a large fake smile and put an arm on Mio's shoulder, "Of course, I just love all my daughters, especially you...you...who are named..."

"Mio, I'm Mio!" My sister whispered back at Mother just low enough so that the camera man couldn't hear."

"Rio, I just love you Rio!" Mother finished her sentence, "But I love my other daughter's Tsumugi, Mitsu, Hooey and Lewie too!"

Upon hearing that, Yui gave me a confused look and whispered in my ear, "Did your mother really just-"

"Quit fidgeting." The camera man ordered with a wave of his hand. Yui returned to her proper place and made a peace sign, with Ritsu following suit. The camera guy didn't like this, "Hey, _HEY_! No trendy gang signs!" Yui frowned and lowered her hands to her side, with that aside, he continued, "Everyone smile, look like you don't hate life and say ΔΙΑΛΕΓΕΙ!"

"_Aye...ho...me_... I don't know how to say that!" I squeaked after failing to recite that line of Greek threnody. The general consensus around me was the same; Ancient Greek was not a language that put you in the mood for smiles. Come to think of it, not much of their culture seemed very smiley at all. The plays ended with everyone either dead, unhappy, wandering the gray wastes of Hades for all eternity, or dressing up as someone as the opposite sex for two years. At least they were very open about same sex couples, which was something that I could firmly stand by.

Camera Dude rolled his eyes and did an exaggerated sigh, "Okay then, say something that is phonetically appealing and stretches your lips into the grotesque form a smile."

"_Cheese_ seems pretty safe." Ritsu suggested.

The camera guy replied with another sigh, "So you choose the most cliché thing in your arsenal? Come on, show some creativity!"

"How about we all cheer, _Fuwa Fuwa Time!_?" Yui suggested.

"I could do that." I nodded.

"Sounds fun." Mio added.

"I agree." Mother said from behind me.

Once again, camera guy protested, "No, sorry, I can't take this picture if you say that. No offense but that sounds really, _really _gay."

"Then what do you want from us, besides Ancient Greek!" Mother finally lost her patience.

"Now, now, there's no need for shouting..." Father tried to council her.

"Yes there is!" She snapped, "I'm late for an appointment because this little man insists on having is way and-"

There was a bright flash of light that momentarily blinded us. Camera Dude gave us a thumbs up, "Got it, looks great!"

"What!" Mother positively screamed. The rest of us knew better not to speak.

"Yeah, got it. It captures your anger well, along with the boredom of four girls who aren't your daughters and clearly do not want to be here." He smiled widely.

"I wanted to be here." Yui corrected.

"Me too." Ui added.

"Impartial." Mio declared.

"It was something to do." Was Ritsu's verdict.

Camera Dude shrugged, "Close enough, now you all have to leave so I can open the place to paying customers."

Mother would have none of it, "Verdammit! We are not leaving until you take this photo correctly!"

"That's right!" I shouted for emphasis. It was at that moment that Azusa appeared at the entrance of the store with Jun next to her side. I never particularly liked Jun, or her butt for that matter, but her presence was not unwelcome. They each had an arm full of what must have been several dozen candy canes, and a CD case in each of their hands.

"Hey, everyone!" Jun called out, "At _Record Surplus_, they're giving away 50 candy canes for every death metal CD you buy! It's pretty cool, now I can enjoy these teeth rotting sugar sticks while listening to _Goatwhor__e_!"

"Well, I'm out guys, see yuh." Ritsu promptly declared, and walked towards them.

"Same." Mio was right behind her.

"Can't pass this offer up." Yui was hypnotized.

"This gives me a reason to buy that _Arch Enemy _album I wanted." Ui followed them.

Ever the one wanting to be with my friends, I proudly marched behind them, "I'll get something for Sawako while I'm there. And not just for the candy canes either.

Sawako, who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, replied, "And I'll get something for myself, then give all the candy canes to Mugi."

"Thank you Sawa-chan, you are an ever present help and inspiration towards me and all my endeavors. Such is why I am not terrified by how you've appeared behind me when there was no earthly reason for you being able to do that." I happily told her, and the five, or six...however many us there were... strode off to get some free candy canes with the purchase of any death metal album.

"Wait, come back!" Mother cried out from behind. I felt bad for leaving her behind, but this was necessary, and it was clear that the camera guy wasn't going to help us, "Tsumugi! Shitsu, Dio, come back and take a better picture."

But it was a too late; no picture would be taken by that camera man by now.

**MONDAY**

The rest of my weekend was spent peacefully trying to write up a new song that would make up for the failures of _NO, Thank You_, and _Listen! _While the piano parts were easy to write, it was hard to write guitar tabs for Yui, being that she couldn't read music. I was thinking of something classic, so I was reworking Bouree In E Minor by Bach, followed by Fur Elise by Beethoven, ending with Eine Kleine Nachtmusik by Mozart. This little arrangement would be called _Classicalo_, but something about that felt oddly...plagiarized... Other than that, I didn't much all that exciting; which was a welcome change.

I walked to school that morning with Azusa, Yui, and Ui. Azusa was going on a lengthy tangent about how she thought she could use the Locrian Mode on the A and D strings, with alternating palm mutes on the E-string to creative a really nice melody. While I whole heartedly agreed that we needed to implement more Locrian and Phrygian melodies, I wasn't sure if I agreed on the pacing that would set for the rest of the band. While I could easily match with a blazing keyboard solo using those same scales, it would leave the bass and rhythm guitars into a flurry of tremolo picked chaos. All in all, it was a difficult balance to achieve.

We met up with Mio and Ritsu on our way up to our clubroom, and left Ui to deal with Jun (someone had to take one for the team), and met an interesting sight.

"...I personally do not like Greek inspired scales, and believe that Italian roots would benefit us more." Mio said after hearing Azusa and I's suggestion of those Modes.

"I'm not saying we change everything just-" I was cut off after I saw our clubroom, "_Cake Catering Kitty Cats we've been evicted!_"

That was right; everything in our club room was gone. The couch, the white board, the table, the Ton-chan, the chairs, all my _expensive _tea sets, that horrible little frog thing Yui had, _our instruments_. Except for my Korg Triton, which was on my back and was brought home almost every night in case something like this happened. On the bright side, it weighed as much as a FGM-148 Javelin missile launcher, and left me with the ability to bench press my own weight. I had never met another woman who could that, ever.

"What...is this?" Azusa whispered, her voice echoing off the empty walls.

"Wait, what's that?" Ritsu asked, pointing at the ground. There was a sticky note laying face down on the hardwood floor. I walked over, bent down, and read the single kanji written on it.

I had no idea what this meant, or if it was a prank.

Ritsu impatiently asked, "Well, what does it say!"

"It says..." I paused for a moment, then answered... "It says Mugitsu."

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**A/N- **_Yes, I'm going somewhere with this with Mugitsu. For anyone who did not read "Price Of Attention". Mugitsu is Tsumugi's fictional twin__ sister who does not exist. I want to make a brief apology for how long this chapter took to write. I ended up going to a death metal concert the night I planned to finish writing this, and it took me nearly a week later to find the drive to complete it._

Thank you to Tarjshia for beta-reading this. _  
_


	4. Throne Of Lunacy

**SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE CHAPTER 4- THRONE OF LUNACY**

**Author Communication Note Whatever Thing- **_I originally was reluctant to start writing this chapter because I wanted some intricate plot with all these different levels. Then I realized, no one is reading this for a story of politics. Now I'm aiming to continually do what no K-On! Fanfiction has done before; for better or worse. That means there will be metal, because I have write all this metal to make up for how none of my peers have it in theirs!_

**VIVA LA FANFICTION!**

"They stole...everything..." Sawako blinked as we informed of her what happened.

"That's right, they even took Ton-chan!" Ritsu shouted in anger. We were in the room that the teachers used to do stuff other than teaching, like paper work and what not. On the way down, I had showed them my musical score for _Classicalo_, which Yui agreed was better than _NO, Thank You_ since it had more than 10 notes in the guitar solo. This song had 12.

Sawako gave us a helpless look, "I'm not sure what I can do about that, you five aren't the only ones who have had this happen. It pains me to say this, but I really don't know anything about it, or who's behind it. In fact, now every class I advise has had everything stolen."

"This makes no sense. How could someone steal all this stuff without anyone noticing!" Azusa growled, obviously frustrated.

"No one knows, and even fewer are upset about it. It's just so strange." Sawako answered, looking completely defeated, "If Manabe was here to run the student council, we could figure this out. Today, after school, they vote for a new president and only a few clubs are left with eligible presidents to be voters."

"Is Ricchan eligible?" I asked.

Sawako slowly shook her head, "I'm afraid with nothing to do, The Light Music Club is currently not a club. So only one person will be there to vote for the only presidential candidate."

"Who are those two?" Mio, Azusa, and I asked in unison.

"I don't remember, let me see..." Sawako answered, then searched her desk for a sheet of paper, then read it out loud, "The only eligible voter is the Viking Metal Club's president, Kusakabe Satsuki...and... this can't be right..."

"What is it?" Ritsu asked from over her shoulder.

Sawako looked at us all, then spoke, "It says the presidential candidate is the president of the Demon Metal Club, Mugitsu Kotobuki. The Demon Metal Club was formed last week, just before the Black Metal Club, Death Metal Club, and Heavy Metal club disbanded, it already has 250 members... and wait... isn't Mugitsu Kotobuki the name of your sister, Mugi?"

"She...isn't-" I stopped when I realized that if I told them that I made Mugitsu up, they would realize that I lied about all those things that happened in my last tale, "I mean, yes...but she's in Espoo, Finland right now vacationing at Lake Bodom forever!"

"Tell her to avoid men catering lemonade." Ritsu told me.

"Well, it says here she's leading the school's biggest club." Sawako grimly replied, "What scares me the most is the prospect of a Demon Metal band forming locally."

"Demon Metal, is that even real?" Azusa raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, even deep fried southern stoner pirate death rock sounds more believable." I wasn't really believing this either. Sawako stood up, took off her glasses, and whispered in a low voice.

"Come with me..." She beckoned, and slowly began walking across the room. Not knowing what else to do, the five us followed her into what looked to be the janitor's closet. It was cramped, reeked of cleaning supplies, and was very dark.

"Why are we in here?" Mio whimpered, probably terrified of the dark.

"Mio, you're standing on my foot!" Ritsu shouted.

"No that's me." I corrected.

"Actually, those are my feet you're standing on, Mugi-senpai." Azusa said from below me.

"How could you tell?" I asked.

"Your princess feet are easy to identify." Azusa answered.

"Thank you, that made my day." I smiled.

Ritsu laughed, "Yeah I could tell if it was you, because Mio has fat feet that-"

I didn't hear what she said because someone thought it would a good idea to punch me in the face. That was right, someone's knuckles slammed into my lower jaw, shoving my lips into my teeth and sending me flying back. After falling backwards onto something soft and squishy, I looked up into the darkness and squeaked, "_Ow!_"

"Oh, God, I hit Mugi, didn't I!" Mio gasped in horror.

"'fraid so." I struggled to say. The taste of blood was strong in my mouth now.

"I meant to hit Ritsu, but your princess mouth happened to intercept my blow...I'm sorry." Mio sounded like she was about to cry.

"The taste of my own blood does not upset me." I boldly declared like the viking warrior I was.

"You're bleeding!" Mio gasped again.

"Yes. Want to kiss it to make it feel better?" I suggested, and crossed my fingers.

"No...that's okay." She muttered, and I heard her take a few steps backwards. _Wiggly Wombats! I was so close too! _

From under me, I heard someone's muffled voice, it appeared to be Sawako, "M-Mugi...you're head is on my boobs."

"Huh, it is, isn't?" I realized as well. So _that _was what I was laying my head on. They were quite comfortable and I felt no desire to change my current position.

"Yes, please move." Sawako replied.

"Do I have to?" I pouted.

"Yes." She repeated, and pretty much shoved me off. Now that my head was firmly removed for her chest, she brought up the previous topic, "As I mentioned before, I am deeply worried about the advent of a Demon Metal club."

"Is Demon Metal like death metal?" Yui was the one to ask.

"No, death metal is nothing compared to this." Sawako replied, making us all gasp in horror, "Demon Metal is a genre that very few people have ever tried to dabble into, and even fewer have lived to tell the tale. It was rumored that the first Demon Metal band had a line up including Lucifer on vocals, Yog-Sothoth on drums, Charon on bass, and Tarasque on guitar; but Tarasque quit the band to finish college and was replaced by Hel. Their band name was supposedly so brutal, that if spoken aloud, it would destroy the sanity of mortal men...so we gave them the mortal name _Scribbles And The Unfriendly Werewolves_."

"Why are we in the closet for this?" Azusa interrupted.

"Because people who tell this story have a nasty habit of winding up dead." Sawako said in a low, scary voice, "Back to the history lesson. Other musicians have tried playing Demon Metal, but all have failed because it requires you to have open bleeding wounds to play. The only one who have successfully been a Demon Metal musician was the old singer for _Mayhem_, and we all know what happened with him. Everywhere Demon Metal bands go, death and destruction follows. We've already seen what has happened recently with the clubs falling apart and Nodoka getting dethroned. All signs point to Demon Metal."

"What happened to the guy from _Mayhem_?" Yui was the one to ask again.

Sawako paused a moment before answering, "Oh, he starved himself, would wear buried clothes, kept dead animals around, and then shot himself in the face. I can't say his name, because you're apparently not allowed to use the names of non-fictional characters in fanfiction here."

The subtle sound of swishing hair marked Ritsu shaking her head in the dark, "No, no, you're just not allowed to use them in situations. Names are fine."

I heard Azusa sigh in relief, "That's good, because I didn't want our cataloged adventures to be untold. Although a certain someone made a certain one liner in a certain story."

"Up-tup-tup, that's enough of that." Mio quickly ended their foray into an unfunny realm of a wrecking ball destroying least vital walls.

"Up-tup-tup, is that what you said?" Ritsu asked her.

"Let's discuss this out of the closet." Azusa suggested.

"D'aww, I was having fun cuddling with Azu-nyan over here." Yui sighed in disappointment, but didn't understand it was _me_ she was really cuddling with.

"No, Yui-chan, that's me you're lovingly latched a hold to." I had to tell her. Much to my cuddly dismay, she instantly released me from her well-trained huggle grip, and took a step backwards. Azusa yelped in what much have been mild pain and shock, hinting that her little footsie had been trampled upon by a retreating Yui.

"Maker's Breath! I could have sworn you were Azu-nyan." Yui remarked in awe.

"No, I am most certainly Mugi." I assured her.

"I can't see how I got that wrong."

"It happens from time to time. I am a very malleable person, one can understand how I would be mistook for someone else in the throes of a hug." This was not the first time this had happened either. Even in the light, Yui had hugged me from behind more than once. How someone could possibly mistake my flowing long, blonde, chainmail hair for loose, bouncy Komodo Dragon Tails was beyond me. Still, I would not look a gift hug in the mouth...Do hugs have mouths? I think they did.

Putting this nonsense aside, we vacated this realm of closeness in the dark, and vowed never to speak of what had transpired inside that small room. As we traversed across the Teacher's offices, Ritsu gave a Mio a smirk and smugly said, "It looks like you're finally coming out of the closet."

_SMACK!_

Once again, Mio had mistook me for the hairbandee and delivered a swift fist of vengeance to the oppressed space that was my face. Being that this was now the second time that Mio had saw fit to punch me in Mugi-face (which is different from normal, mundane faces), I was beginning to suspect that she was actually enjoying hitting me just as much I liked being hit. This was all taking place in my head in a sort of slow motion, and my thoughts carried into a weird sort of poetic verse as her fist pushed me backwards in this weird slower version of time, _Feel your fist... on my face... you hate this, I feel great._

"Mugi I'm so sorry, I can't see how I missed that!" Mio gasped in horror as I did a rather impressive flip onto the hardwood floor. Other people were gasping, and asking me if I were okay, scolding Mio as well. I was fine, physical pain brought me no discomfort.

"It's cool..." I woozily assured her, and was helped to me feet. It was time or class, or at least to attempt learning in this environment of anarchy and banditry with the way the clubs were. The structured aspect of the classes proved to be an easing balm after the suddenness of the student council collapse and grand theft club items. When the lessons were ceased, and breaks administered, the class gossip quickly turned to this subject. People from all clubs were equally distraught over the loss of all their things, given that most of them were of personal, sentimental, and high monetary value. I still had my keyboard, named after that enemy in the Monster Manual that had probably never been used in any campaign ever. I played with groups who seemed to believe that the drow and their mooks were the only things that existed in fantasy games. I played a paladin who fell in love with a drow named Carmina (made me become a black guard), and we ran away together to live romantically in the Underdark. However, her evil sister used two iron golems to rip Duchess Mugi-Chan The Pervy Elf Fancier in three pieces. This is why I refuse to play any games that Ritsu GM's, they all end in horrible death for me. I was pressing my friends to try out a Dark Heresy game I had thought up, but they were thoroughly intent on playing World of Darkness, which I utterly loathed. Woo! Tangent!

To pry me from my thoughts, that one girl who sat near me, right next to Yui, and had the dirty blonde hair and a name I had never bothered to learn was shouting about something, "Someone needs to do something, my Tama Starclassic cost me half my college tuition and now it's gone!"

"Just for the kit, or does that include all the heads, and cymbals?" That dark haired girl she was friends with, whose named I also didn't know, asked.

"Just for the kit!" She shouted, then lowered her voice to a grumble, "Why hasn't anyone called the police, we know who did this."

"We do!" I piped up a just a little too loudly, head turned towards me in all directions.

Mystery Name Angry Girl changed her tone to an obnoxiously fake laugh, "That's right Mugi-chan, we know exactly where all the...cake...is..."

"What?" I just blinked. The bell for lunch rang, and people quickly forgot about that spasm as they went to go stuff their faces with over priced mediocre food. I would have gladly made my friends a Mugi meal, but they stole our table. I was walking out just behind Mio when Mystery Name Angry Girl pulled me back.

"Are you trying to get us killed!" She hissed in a low voice.

"No, I just want my table back." I whimpered. She groaned in disgust and released me.

"So you don't know about the Demon Metal Club then?"

I shook my head, "Oh no, I know all about that."

"But you...Never mind, of course you would know all about it, your sister is their lead guitarist." Mystery Name Angry Girl was now on a tangent, "But surely the keyboardist of The Light Music Club would be too much of a wuss to play Demon Metal..." _Heyyy! _"...Nonetheless align herself with them...but you're still sisters. Tell me Lady Tsumugi, where do you allegiances lie?"

"Allegiances?" I blinked again, "Oh, I know what you mean. I'm aligned with the forces of cake, cuteness, and bass guitars tuned so low in the mix you can't even hear them. If you don't mind me asking, what is your name?"

"Tachibana Himeko." She answered, and gave me a strange look, "Wait, you didn't know my name?"

"No."

"We've been in the same class since sixth grade though."

"Sorry, I never really knew you."

"You voted for me to play Romeo in the school play!"

"I had thought we were raising our hands to not vote for you."

"I'm the only one you ever told about what you and Mio did in the club room in _Fuwa Fuwa Lessons_, how do you not know my name!"

My face turned red and I felt rather guilty about not ever learning it, "I'm sorry, to me you were always just the girl who would stare at Yui in class while licking her lips."

"Oh boy, I get that a lot. Look, my affection towards Yui is in a completely non-consensual manner and-" Himeko was about to go off on a tangent, so I had to stop her.

"So yeah, you know about the Demon Metal club. I thought that was supposed to be a secret." I talked over her before she could disclose to me what her fantasies with Yui were. This was karma for telling this potentially random person about the Fuwa Fuwa Lessons Mio had given me; she seemed trust worthy at the time though.

"It was...until they made it become personal." She replied in a slow dramatic voice, walking across the class room to look all emotional while staring out the window, "About a month ago, I got an invitation into a club, a 'Demon Metal Club' through a letter taped to my drum kit's snare drum. Only two people know I play drums, and one of them was an exchange student that left long ago, and the other couldn't be a messenger for the Demon Metal Club; she hasn't even heard of _Severe Torture_."

"Oh come on, even I know them." I put in.

"Of course, because they're like _Cannibal Corpse_ if _Cannibal Corpse _decided to be better." There was a hint of smuggy arrogance in her voice, "At the time, I was a member of the Softball Club, but it's always been my dream to play drums for a death metal band. Sadly, my parents smashed all my _Autopsy _albums because they had a guy ripping a girls intestines out with her teeth, and other had a man engaging in corpophilia."

"That's horrible!" I gasped.

"That's the point!" Himeko shouted, and slammed her fists down on a desk, "I wanted to be brutal, to live a life of dark debauchery. I tried joining the Viking Metal Club, but they turned me away for not being Scandinavian enough. Stuck with only Softball, and a crappy part time job, I gave the Demon Metal Club a chance, before they decided to start a quest of conquest. Lady Tsumugi, it's a good thing I got out while I could, that Mugitsu changes people. She looks at things from a different way, talks of bringing back The Great Old Ones of metal, names I haven't even heard. Bands so brutal, so dark, that just a fifteen second sample of one of their songs made my ears bleed. These kids she's recruited, they follow her because she doesn't let them out, and they tricked themselves into believing she is some kind of goddess. Heck, she probably thinks she is herself. I think you're the only thing she's afraid of though."

"Me?" I gasped.

"Yes, she mentioned your name more than once. Something about you stealing her power I dunno."

Then I asked the most important question, "Why didn't anyone tell anybody about this? This seems almost dangerous, why is it that I just now heard about it all?"

"Secrecy is one of their biggest values, and General Satsuki Kusakabe enforces it with an iron fist." She answered me, but I still didn't feel any better. "None of this matters though, soon she will have her place on the Student Council, and will annex all the clubs to her cause. This is the end of days my dear friend."

"No!" I cried out in anger, inverting my eyebrows for emphasis, "We have to do something about this! Too many things got wronged, and I need to find a way to fix it. Help me Himeko!"

Himeko gave a sorrowful sigh, "I wish I could Lady Tsumugi, but the vote for the president is after school, and Mugitsu will be too powerful after that. There would be no way to stop the club."

She was wrong, there had to be a way. Mugitsu wasn't even a real person, just something I had fabricated in a haste. Someone was trying to slander my good name, and that meant it was up to me to stop them, "Let's get as many people to vote as we can, tell all the club presidents to show up."

"Lady Tsumugi, you don't seem to understand, they took _everything. _Nothing is left for anyone, no clubs are functioning. If they were, it would only take one to upset the vote and dethrone her." And those were the magic words.

I stared her in the eyes, and smiled, "Then Himeko, let's go start ourselves a club."

She smiled back at me, "It's so obvious that it would maybe work. We would just need two more people..."

At that moment, Azusa stepped past the doorway with Jun behind her, "Hey Mugi-senpai, are you going to come eat with us?"

"Food can wait, we need you two!" I cried out, and rushed up to them.

"M-Mugi-senpai, I thought I made it clear that I'm not okay with that sort of thing." Azusa stuttered and took a step backwards.

"What are you talking about? Himeko and I just need you two so we can go and stop whoever is posing as my sister from taking over the school clubs, and possibly be trying to summon Cthulu." I clarified for her.

"How do we do that?" Jun-butt asked me.

"Simple, we make another club." I answered.

"But I like the Jazz Club..." She pouted, obviously not hooked.

"Look, there won't be a Jazz Club if you don't help us!" I had to use my 'Mugi Growl' to intimidate her, "Azusa-chan, listen too, because I won't repeat myself. The last few days have been plagued with completely nonsensical unrelated events that I have had nothing to do with, and even less power to stop. Some relic seeking cult wants me dead, I'm now part of a government agency, Mother is going through menopause or something, and this club nonsense is making it worse. Now, all I want is to give everyone the best darn Christmas of their lives, except you Jun, and this is going to ruin it. So let me make it clear, we're not saving the school, we're saving Christmas!"

After a moment of pensive silence at my words, Azusa slowly spoke, "S-She's right, if we don't stop all the clubs from being abolished for good, then no one will. Everyone loves their clubs, and will probably become drug users and NEETs quickly if they aren't back soon."

Himeko nodded, "Well spoken little guitar playing girl who makes me jealous when she's around Yui."

"But what kind of club will we make, and won't our stuff just get stolen?" Jun asked.

"Good question." I lied, "Don't worry guys, I have a plan for a club that doesn't require anything..."

**SKIP AHEAD TEN MINUTES...**

"Remember, everyone, stay in character." I whispered as we passed through the doors into the teacher's offices. I gave Sawako a big wave and called out, "Greetings Lady Yamanaka! A pleasant afternoon to you my dear. Formalities aside, my company and I have come to thee with a humble request."

Sawako looked horribly embarrassed as her coworkers glared at her, then us, then back to her. We walked to her desk, and she immediately began scolding us in a low voice, "What are you doing! You can't just walk in here and start saying weird things like that."

"Apologies noble lady." I replied with a bow, "Himeko 'Loose Socks' Tachibana here has drafted a scroll that she wishes you to read. It took her all of three dungeons to gain the experience needed to gain the 'scribe scroll' feat, being that she is a rogue."

"Rogue/shadow dancer." Loose Socks corrected me.

"Apologies." I nodded as she handed Sawako a folded piece of paper.

"Do I even want to know?" Sawako muttered, still embarrassed, and read the paper out loud, "Wait, this is a club request form...The Live Action Roleplaying Club with you four as the members? Is this some kind of joke?"

"Nay, we do not jest." Azu-nyan, Heirophant Of The High Forest and leader of the NyanNyan Tribe answered.

"Tis true ma'laday." The Good Dwarf Jun assured her. Sadly, we hadn't the time to find her a proper fake beard.

"We are on a quest to stop my dread half-sibling Mugitsu from using the power of our father's blood to rule Baldur's Gate and instigate a brutal war with Amn. We need this scroll signed by your Grace so that I may represent our noble group in the council of clubs to stop her from claiming regency." I explained, all in character.

Sawako gave me a knowing smile, and signed herself as the adviser of the club, "Well, I can't put a stop to such imagination. Just behave alright? Oh, and would your president 'Duchess Mugi-chan The Pervy Elf Fancier' please visit the Student Council room after school. All the presidents have to be there for a vote."

"I shall accommodate your wishes my Grace." I nodded, then turned to lead my adventuring party out of the room.

"We handled that well." Azusa remarked as we stepped into the hall.

"Why did I have to be the dwarf?" Jun pouted.

"For your stone sense, how would we tell if walls were rigged with traps without a dwarf?" I answered with a question.

"My search skill is like +15, I can find traps easily." Himeko put in.

"Couldn't I had least gotten to be a bard? I mean I play bass, not swing great axes around." Jun-butt continued to complain.

"Then we would have two arcane casters, and your spells would completely fall short compared to mine. Just when you learn how to Mass Suggest, I'm tossing around Horrid Wiltings." I had to explain to her, because she just wasn't getting it.

"Think we can find another side quest to wrack up enough XP for another level?" Azusa asked.

"Doubt it, besides, why do you want a level so bad?" I asked, further contributing to this endless cycles of asking.

"My animal companion gets another two hit dice and an armor class bonus." She answered, and patted her animal companion, Yui, on the head.

"Am I good riding dog?" Yui asked her, then stuck her tongue out to mimic a dog panting.

"Eh, you'll do until I can summon fire elementals."

**AFTER SCHOOL VOTING TIME**

We made our club's purpose known, and quickly ceased the role-playing, because Jun was being a rules lawyer and ruining all the fun. Not to mention, it didn't quite play out the way I expected it to. Normally role-playing is shunned, but got 35 club applications to join in about two hours. I didn't really have the heart to tell them that we were just making up this club to save the school, and that you can't live action role-play 3.5 edition Dungeons and Dragons, because there are _too _many rules. Walking around in costumes arguing the stacking effects of meta-magic feats isn't exactly exciting to be honest. In fact, _none _of this was exciting.

School ended, and I managed to get through the day without thinking too hard about stuff. My clubmate buddy friend pals decided that since they didn't have any instruments to play, they would go down to the mall and play the _Rockband 3 _demo while drinking tea. While that sounded pretty flippin' awesome, I had a job as the president of my new club to focus on. We once rented _Rockband 2 _back when it was the cool, hip game to play on _Eckbawks_. That summer we decided we would go and try to learn how to play every single song in that game in alphabetical order by band name. Yui had come up with the idea, and the first song on the list for us to learn on our instruments was one called _Visions _by _Abnormality_. The song was so awful that it literally made my ears bleed. We proceeded to then break the game disc, burn it, then never speak of it again.

"Mugi-chan joined a different club!" Yui gasped in terror, apparently forgetting she had taken part in our activities for part of the day, "What about the Light Music Club!"

"I'm working with this club to save our club." I told her with my hands at my hips, and my chest puffed out.

"How does that work?" Ritsu was the one to ask. By the way, we were all standing outside by that one statue that's supposed to be of our headmaster, but doesn't actually look like him. Right now it was sporting a United States Marine helmet, with camouflage face paint. I was impressed.

"I can't tell you." I couldn't tell her, "But me, Himeko-san, Azusa-chan, and Jun are going to fix everything."

"I thought you hated Jun." The drummer, _our_ drummer, cocked an eyebrow.

I put an arm around Ritsu and replied, "No, no, no...I don't _hate _Jun...I just hate everything she does, her being around Azusa-chan, and when she says words."  
"I'm right here you know." Jun-butt frowned.

"Wow." Yui blinked, "I didn't expect Mugi-chan to be so hateful."

I let go of Ricchan and just shook my head while smiling, "No, no, no, Yui-chan. I don't _hate _anything, just except all those things I mentioned. But I make up for it by loving everything else in the world, get it?"

"I do!" Yui smiled, probably not getting it.

Himeko broke off our exchange with her dead serious demeanor, "This is cool and all, but Kotobuki-sama, you need to go and stop your evil sister from taking over the school and fulfilling like half the prophecies in the Book of Revelations, bringing about the End Of Days!"

"You're right." I slammed my fist in to my palm, "But first there is something I must do."

"Make it quick."

"What was that about the apocalypse?" Ritsu asked, but was mostly ignored.

I grabbed Mio, hand looked into her eyes and spoke, "Mio, there is something I need to tell you..."

"Y-Yes?" Mio stuttered, looking quite nervous.

Taking a deep breath, I told her something I had been meaning to tell her for a long time. "Mio-chan, did you know that if a dog swallows something bad for its stomach, like a battery, it will projectile vomit up to a full liter of liquid!" I added to my description by added a "bleh!" sound effect, that came off as more adorable than anything else. Often was I cursed with being more cute and lovable instead of brutal and cruel like my old friend Miyuki.

"Mugi-senpai, that's disgusting!" Azusa scolded.

Mio put her hands over her ears, crouched down, and began reciting, "I didn't hear anything, I didn't hear anything, I didn't hear anything."

Now, over the course of my time in this fine learning establishment, I head learned one important piece of information. For whatever reason, Akiyama Mio wore very, _very _short skirts. Ritsu did the same thing, but she drummed and drumming in pants was a pain in the rear apparently. Mio had no excuse, and even Yui wore tights to counteract the shortness of her skirt. What this meant was that while Mio was crouched, I had a perfect view of her panties. Blue and white, cotton striped; this made my day.

I realized that if someone was somehow reading my thoughts, or was reading about them in some sort of strange fan written fiction written by an author who no doubt was a social degenerate, most on lookers would be put off by my recurring incidents of "gay". To put it bluntly, no, I wasn't gay. I enjoyed watching concert videos of all male bands where the keyboardist and guitarist would kiss on stage. I thought Gackt was sexy and- okay, that wasn't true. But men had appeared in my erotic fiction written about my friends! Albeit, they didn't take place in any of the "erotic" parts, that was mostly Ritsu and Mio. In fact, Ritsu's brother even got a line dialogue in one of my stories, that proved I wasn't gay!

And writing homo-erotic stories between your friends was something a perfectly normal person would do.

I said goodbye to my friends as they left for the train or bus station, I forgot which. Jun, Azusa, and the other one whose name I already forgot came with me as I went to save the school with my presidential powers. They would wait outside and help if anything went wrong. I was dealing with Mugitsu, who somehow ended up becoming real. During my charade, I came up with a deep back story for Mugitsu, and she was not someone I would want to mess with.

Kotobuki Mugitsu had been born in Finland, right on the murder site of those three teenagers who were killed at Lake Bodom, right at the edges of its icy shores. I didn't really come up with a reason as to why my twin sister was born in a different country than me, but that wasn't important. Anyway, the only thing Mugitsu cared about was death metal, blood, pain, and roguelikes, which were a horrible mix of the first three things. Mugitsu would sit around spending her preteen days playing _Iter Vehemens ad Necem _while listening to just about every death metal album she could. People like George Fisher, Trevor Strnad, James Malone, Dennis Schreurs, Eric Cutler, Tomas Lindberg, and Anders Fridén were her idols, and she thoroughly believed the things in their songs were based off of real things they had done. I had four hours to compile those names, and remember them too. Raising herself in a tenement in Helsinki, she grew up on death metal and black coffee, which turned her into the person she was today. The reason Mother disowned her is because she would kill little baby animals and do all kinds of scary things that made me wet myself if I thought about them too much.

As I walked to the Student Council room, I was coming to realize that I must have been some sort of wizard. Normally when I thought things, they didn't come true. If they came true, our band would be called _Tsumugi's Harem_. But no, the one time I get to use wizard powers to create something, I spawn a horrible demon woman who wants to ruin life. COOL, just COOL.  
"Kotobuki-san, I'm glad to see you could make it." It was Sawako who greeted me in the council room.

"Sawa-chan, what are you doing here?" I asked, and took a seat at one of the many empty chairs. No one else was there yet.

"I'm hosting this voting session." She answered, "I looked through the school rules, and apparently there is nothing saying you can't vote for yourself. Mugitsu is no doubt taking advantage of this."

"But I want Nodoka to be the president!" I instantly objected.

"That's up to you." Sawako told me, looking kind of nervous about all of this. I quickly pointed that out.

"Is something wrong Sawa-chan?"

She gave an over exaggerated sigh, "Yes, this could be the end of all clubs, and there's a scary band rising from their ashes."

"Oh, that again." I thought it was going to be something different. There was a strange noise in the air, a slow picked sad sounding electric guitar. The double doors into the classroom burst open, and that guitar exploded into fast, scary, pinched notes. I couldn't see the source, which was rather frightening. Marching through the door was a black haired woman with big bushy black brows, equally black hair, and the kanji for _Mugitsu _written on her forehead over her white painted face. My fictional twin sister was dressed in black robes that looked like something you'd see on a level 80 forsaken necromancer. I had seen something like that at the store _Hot Topic_, but that was a silly store that sold silly things for silly people. However, that fit because Mugitsu was a silly person.

"Good afternoon." Mugitsu said in her strange not-Japanese accent that was really hard for me to explain. She was flanked by two members of the Viking Metal Club, one of which had been my old general, Satsuki.

"H-Hello, Mugitsu." Sawako said in a love voice, clearly fearing the physically inept teenage girl. Mugitsu was not a big person, and she probably couldn't have beaten me in an arm wrestling contest; or fencing match for that matter.

"I am here to place my vote as supreme ruler of all the pathetic things your kind hold dear." My fictional twin sister who somehow existed spoke in a low, almost hissing voice, "With no one to stop my rise to glorious power, I shall crush your pathetic race of man between my vitamin D deprived fingers. My army shall control all the resources, and with that we shall forge the most brutal band of all time. The sound of our epic demonic metal from hell will quite literally destroy the sun, plunging all life into eternal darkness! BEHOLD THE EXTINCTION OF MAN, AHAHAHAHAHHA!"

"Okay...so one vote for Mugitsu Kotobuki." Sawako muttered, and wrote something on a piece of paper. During that long bit of rather cliché monologue, I realized a few things. First off, the sun was some 93 million miles from the earth (that's right, I used the imperialist system!), and space was a vacuum. While I couldn't be sure, I believed that sound couldn't travel through vacuums like that, nonetheless over a course of 93 million miles; even with a really good Marshall half-stack. Also...  
"That's not Mugitsu, that's Kataktitis-san, the woman that I framed after blaming all those lies on Mugitsu!" I pointed out.

"How can you be sure?" Sawako asked me, then talked again before I could answer, "Kataktitis went back to Greece earlier this year, and that sounds like a Finnish-Japanese accent."

"No!" I shouted and shook my head, "Mugitsu had a _Finnish_-Japanese accent, and look, she has a _Rotting Christ _patch on her purse!" Which wasn't a Mugi-purse of course, Mugitsu would have one.

"So?" _Kataktitis _raised an eyebrow that had been stylized after my own.

"Mugitsu hates black metal, and _Rotting Christ _is a Greek black metal band. Kataktitis was the president of the Black Metal Club, and was from Greece. This isn't just a coincidence!" I explained to Sawako.

"So, do I put you down as voting for Nodoka or yourself?" Sawako answered after a few seconds.

"Were you listening to any of that!" I shouted.

My teacher just shrugged, "You said a lot of big fancy foreign words that I didn't understand. Sorry, but I don't really care about your _Cat Attack Tea Tits_."

"_Kataktitis_! It's not that hard to pronounce!" My voice squeaked as I got angrier, my face turning a bright red.

"So is that a yes for voting for Nodoka?" Sawako didn't look up from her paper.

It was a third person who interrupted me this time, "Wait! I am now president of a different club!" It was Himeko again, and I was glad that I finally remembered her name. I was also glad because I realized the source of that music, one Kataktitis' varyags was playing the album _We Are The Nightmare _by _Arsis _through her _iPlad_, which was different than a certain product sold by a company named after a fruit. This device had a checkered plad decal, which made it a different product apparently, even if _Apple's _logo was clearly visible.

"Himeko, you came to my rescue!" I smiled, because no matter who I voted for, it would have been a tie between me and Kataktitis.

"No." My ally shook her head, "I am placing my vote for Mugitsu as school president."

"Who came up with these school rules for politics anyway!" I screamed in frustration.

Sawako checked something off on that piece of paper, looking completely defeated, "It's true Tsumugi, Himeko formed a club after you did. It's the Drummer's Enthusiast Club, and it doesn't require anything that could be stolen to be part of."

"Where did she find three members?" I asked. Bitter betrayal didn't really feel good, felt bad man. It felt like every time I tried to get something done, I either had it stolen, got drafted into the military, or was betrayed. To answer my questions, the three other members of that club made themselves know. One of which I was familiar with, "Ricchan, you're bringing about the apocalypse!"

Ritsu waved her arms defensively, "How was I supposed to know that joining this club would sponsor the very same person who stole my drums!"

I pointed at the flier on the wall next to her that I had just noticed myself.

"_Like drums? Had your kit recently stolen? Come join the Drummer Enthusiast Club, and help sponsor Mugitsu Kotobuki so she can become the tenth ruler of Hell! You might even get your drums back!"_

All in all, that was terrible advertising. The colored pencil drawn pictures of Mugitsu standing over a mountain of corpses wearing the same uniforms as us certainly didn't leave me wanting to join. After reading it, Ritsu acted even more defensive, "It's not my fault! They bribed me with a book that would teach me how to paradidles right!"

I slammed my palm into my face, "Ricchan, the pattern for those is just right, left, right, right, left, right, left, left. You could have figured that out using _Google_, you didn't need to sabotage all the clubs for it!"

"I didn't know any better!" Ritsu cried, "And while I'm at it, you're really adorable when you're angry, Mugi-chan, so I'm very tempted to provoke you further!"

"While I am flattered, your compliment does not lighten the situation." I said with my arms crossed, "AHEM, Kataktitis, is there some way I could reconcile with you so that you do not go through with your shallow, petty, and overall stupid plan?"

The Greek metal lover smiled, "Why my dear sister, why do you insist on using that name? But if you really wish to end without conflict, I know of a way we could barter. Well, not exactly barter, but complete for school's clubs. If you win, I cease all my monopolies and hand them over to you..."

"...And if you win at whatever it is we're competing with?" I asked her, dreading the answer.

"I want Hirasawa Yui." Kataktitis/Mugitsu grinned wider.

Himeko shouted from behind me, "_No!_ Yui is mine, do not agree to that Mugi!"

I gave Himeko a grave look, "I cannot oblige your wishes. You betrayed me, and your stalking of one my friends frightens me. It frightens me so much that I would feel safer with Yui in _her _hands."

"Is this even legal?" Sawako asked.

I simply shrugged, "I do not know fair teacher of mine, but I must do this. Katak- err, Mugitsu! What are the terms of the contest."

Kataktitis/Mugitsu crossed her arms and kept up her evil smile of death and decay (as in she didn't brush her teeth), "I challenge you to a rock off, just give me one chance to rock your socks off."

I agreed.

But the joke was on her.

I wasn't wearing socks.


End file.
